There have been some MAJOR changes in the Southern household lately.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past 2.5 months and I am ready to settle into a new routine.  I am not entirely happy to be leaving my SAHM post, but am ready for a new adventure.  I think I have found a good office and, hopefully, will learn a lot from my new co-workers.

A BIG concern was who will take care of Evie while I am working.  It just so happens that SoHubby will be with her for the mornings, then she will have MawMaw three times a week and her favorite Special Instructor twice a week.  It is such a load off my mind to know that she will be with familiar faces.  Evie is so excited to go to her SI’s house, which has taken some of the worry off of me.  And when she is with MawMaw she will be at our house, which should ease the transition from having mom all day to seeing mom only in the mornings and afternoons.  It will be hard on me.  I will miss her terribly.  It doesn’t help that she has asked me several times, with that little face, “You go to work, mommy?”.  I think I will feel better once she starts school in the fall.

I am wondering how I will feel about this other side of the debate.  My whole identity has been wrapped up in being a SAHM.  What will my identity be, now?  My belief system is changing.  Many things that I have held to be truths for the last 12 years has been shattered in a matter of months.  Like my house needing to be cleaned everyday…gone.  There is no time for that and I have learned that the world didn’t stop and the house is not a complete disaster.  I have, also, learned that I don’t have to do everything.  The kids can help.  SoHubby can help.  And most importantly, if these little things don’t get done, the world doesn’t end and we all won’t die.  I am such a routine person, that any small change to that routine is hard for me.  Grocery shopping will be done whenever and probably with all 3 kids in tow.  It will be rushed and not like a precise mission as before.  Relying on SoHubby to do appointments, shuttling kids and sharing household duties means letting go of how I want things done to allowing for him to do things his way.  BIG changes.

It, also, means learning to deal with stress and unexpected changes better.  My new motto is it will all work out.  Why?  Because it has to.  There is no room for stress filled tirades.  Somethings will just have to wait for another time or have to be  let go of altogether.  It is a hard road to change your entire identity that you have become accustomed to for over a decade.  I will say that I am happy that I have had the younger years at home with my kids.  I think it was better for them and better for me.  That is not a statement on anyone else; just a statement on our family.  SoHubby says that the universe is unfolding the way it should.  I say I wish I would have had a heads up, but I  am living and learning.  I have rediscovered how great our friends are, reconnected to family and shown me that life doesn’t have to go the way you plan for it to be good.

Amber has always had drama around her, but add tween moodiness, selfishness, and only wanting to do only the fun stuff in life you have an explosive combination.  At first we didn’t really know what was going on.  SoHubby and I would whisper, “Could it be…?”.  ”NO, it couldn’t be!”  Oh but it was.  We have entered into the first stage of puberty and we have been knocked on our asses.  The moodiness we have been use to for awhile.  The same could be said for the drama.  I have learned to listen, roll my eyes out of eyesight and simply mention that maybe she shouldn’t worry so much about it, because, surely, it will be different by tomorrow.  We didn’t know that the moodiness and drama would be upped.  Another problem, that our parents didn’t face, was the drama gets to continue on through constant communication in today’s technological world. I gave Amber my old cell phone, which might have been a slight mistake on my part.  There was no phone service, but she could still connect to WiFi.  My second mistake was mentioning a free text and phone app.  If I could go back in time and smack myself, I would.  We fought the good fight against her sneaking the phone into her room at bedtime.  What we didn’t expect was her first middle school dance.  I don’t know how much I want to get into it on the big ole Internet, but my hints are boy+friends+texting=total chaos and devastation.  That died down and we went back to regular old girl drama.  Recently, that old phone has decided to not come back on, so, at this point, we will just deal with the withdrawals of not being able to text.  I better find a nice strong belt for her to bite down on.

It is hard being the oldest and being the first to do everything.  Amber was in dance, gymnastics and cheer first, which meant that her brother and sister were use to waiting around for her.  Then Amber got a taste of the waiting game and it has not been fun…for me.  Amber, now, waits for her brother while he is in TaeKwonDo and her sister while she is in dance.  Amber has dropped dance and gymnastics to focus on cheer and has learned that she simply can’t do everything due to time and money.  Oh the time and money lesson is a hard one for just about anyone to learn, much less a 10 year old. During the summer was worse, because there was no homework to keep her occupied during her wait times.  It is not easy, now, but, at least, I have a good answer to the question, “What can I do?”  I still have to “remind” her that she is not allowed to play basketball while Sam is in TKD.  I am hoping that the big guys that normally play basketball while the TKD class goes on will one day step on her and teach her a lesson.  There was much explanation of how her brother and sister have ALWAYS had to wait for her and she could show a little more patience while waiting for them, but that was met with a “how dare you ask me to consider anyone else” look and a huff finished with an arm folded.  Selfishness has just appeared and brought along back up.

I am happy to say that Amber likes school and does well.  However, the business of school escapes her.  She is a 5th grader, now, and that comes with a lot of responsibility, at least, in Amber’s mind.  She has always had to turn in lunch money, signed papers, etc, but, now, there is no teacher collecting folders and pulling it out for her.  Mom isn’t putting it into the folders and then in her bookbag.  Apparently, this is all too much for her.  And it seems this stuff falls onto me, still.  Hopefully, by college I won’t have to remind her to take her lunch money and not to buy extras.  And she will know what the extras are. I, recently, got a bill from the school for Amber’s lunch account.  It said she only had $5.45 left.  The problem with that is that I just sent in a $25 check (I have to stop for a minute and stress NEVER SEND IN CASH!  I know checks are from the dark ages, but if they are lost you can write a new one.  Once cash is lost, it is gone forever.  And kids will always lose cash.  I have heard many stories of Amber’s friends losing their lunch money, and we are not talking $2.  Many parents like to pay a month or year in advance instead of trying to come up with $2 everyday in the rush of the morning)on October 16.  There was no possible way she could have eaten that much in 4 days.  Okay, there is a way she could have eaten that much, but she swore she “NEVER”  gets extras.  So I put on my investigator hat, which luckily sits right next to my chauffeur hat, and went to work.  I talked to the head lunch lady, who had proof that not only did Amber NOT turn in her lunch money, but she does INDEED get extras.  It was all there on the computer screen.  I guess the rumor that the lunch ladies are stealing the kids lunch money and having a huge party with all the food that they have to cook and serve has been forever been proven wrong!  I climbed 3 flights of stairs, with a 30 lb toddler on my hip, to talk to Amber.  Oh the shock on her face when I informed her that 1. she didn’t turn in the check and 2 that she had been getting extras.  ”Oh you mean, the juice, gogurt, extra fries cost more,”  Amber asked.  All I could I do was sigh and do a quick once over of her folder.  Since Amber was rushing off to choir, I resigned to tearing apart her book bag and folders later this evening when she got home.  If I were to venture a guess, I will say that the check will either be found snuggled safely in her folder or scrunched down at the bottom of her bookbag.

I think back to when Amber was a baby and how I thought that was difficult.  Now, I fear the unknown of teenagerhood.  Toddler, pshaw!, I can handle a toddler.  Matter of fact, I do all day and it is a piece of cake.  Evie won’t potty trained, but that can be contained in a Pull Up.  There is no containing all that comes with tweens and then teenagers.  I am scared and pray that I make it through.  I figure by the time I have to deal with it with Evie, I will either have learned a lot or am just tired and have given up.  It seems to be the trend with parents, who have multiple children.

My first memory of any kind of evacuation was during Hurricane Andrew in the early 90′s.  I was working at a downtown hotel and they offered us rooms to ride out the storm.  I scoffed.  Why would I want to be easily accessible for the hotel to get more work out of me?  Young and dumb.  We lost power for a couple of hours after the storm.   The sun was out.  I took a nap and by the time I woke up the power was back.  The second and first actual mass exodus from NOLA was Hurricane Georges.  I had stayed with my mom and sick grandma.  We lost power before the storm and didn’t get it back until 3/4 days later.  There was no generator.  Nothing but total darkness at night and heat during the day.

My kids idea of a hurricane will be extremely different than mine.  We have evacuated for several hurricanes since 1998.  Mostly notably, Hurricane Katrina.  Our first experience with a generator would be Gustav.  To be honest the worst part of that was the mess in the house and living only downstairs.  It was not fun, but it wasn’t the worst.  What made it bearable?  The generator and window unit.  We have since “misplaced” the window unit, so we are dealing with the heat.

People, those who don’t live in these hurricane prone areas, tend to believe it is just easy to pick up, leave and then come back.  If you think sitting in hours long traffic, finding a hotel along with thousands of other people and not knowing what is going on at your house, then have at it.  For most it is a difficult decision to leave.  I am torn.  I am glad we stayed, because I was able to keep up with the driving rain that was coming in under our back doors.  I regret staying, because we are still without power and estimated time of restoration is 5-7 days away.  The main issue is financial.  We could deplete our savings and evacuate and then what happens for the next hurricane.  It is easy to say have an emergency fund.  It is hard when there could be back to back storms, so we take each one based on the information given at the time.  The NHC didn’t know what Isaac was going to do, so how do others out there know for sure what we should  have done.  People made decisions based on what happened to them during Katrina, Gustav, Ivan, etc.  We have evacuated before only to find that not a drop of rain fell.  We made the decision last minute to evacuate for Katrina, because of the information at the time.  You can make the claim that we have so much technology and you have more than enough warning to make a decision on whether to leave or stay, but nothing is perfect and many storms have proven that.  Everyone has to make the decision on their own.  I don’t think we should place blame, but show kindness and a bit of understanding.

The kids have it great compared to my experiences, as a child, without power. We have a generator, which means we can run fans, watch DVDs, charge our phones; laptops; tablet; game systems and have a light to safely guide us to the bathroom.  While we are miserable with the heat and can’t wait to have our power fully restored, it is not as bad as in years past.  Of course, the kids don’t fully understand.  Sam kept asking me why can’t do this or that. And it had to be explained over and over, again, that we didn’t have power to the house.  They don’t understand why I tell them to take a bath or not to use blankets while sleeping.  It is all in an effort to keep them cool and comfortable.

In the end, once our power is restored we will go back to our normal lives.  There will be challenges for awhile, like gas and grocery lines, longer days off of school and no parties on Labor Day.  In the grand scheme of things, it is a small price to pay compared to the price of life that some paid.  I know that the judgments are coming for these people.  I understand their dilemma and their decisions made based on previous experience, like no flooding during Katrina.  This time it was different, like the other times will be different.  Some never lost power, but that doesn’t mean they are saved from never losing power during a storm.  Some will have power restored later than others when they had their power restored earlier than most in previous storms.  We are not naive.  We know where we live and the consequences that come along with that.  There are consequences to everything in life, for some to say dumb things like they have all the answers shows their ignorance.  All I can tell those people is that if you tell me to just move from NOLA, then you don’t know what it means to miss New Orleans and you never will, because it is not simply a town.  It is a way of life and we have chosen to take the consequences because the benefits of our culture are worth it.

And for the record, I will continue to bitch until I have power restored and my a/c back.  If you tell me not to bitch, I might just tell you to shove it.  Understand that might be the heat talking or the fact that I don’t want to hear from you, because you probably have a/c.

Amber is now in middle school.  This brings all kinds of new and exciting adventures, one being the locker.  Oh the excitement there was at getting a locker.  Along with the school supplies there was a whole collection of things you can get to decorate your locker.  This is where I found Amber with her eyes wide open and her mouth drooling.  What would she get?  Where would she put it?  How would these items make her locker an expression of her very being?  I sighed.  Why should I spend good money on items to make her locker look better than our house?  No problem for Amber.  My idea of giving the kids an allowance to teach them about money had backfired on me, because it gave Amber power.  She had power to buy any trinkets her heart desired to make her locker the next Taj Mahal.  Good thing her power is limited to $7.  We left Target.  Me $70 lighter in my wallet from actually school supplies, you know the things needed to help her learn, and Amber with her eyes all aglow and big at the anticipation of getting her locker at Book Day.

Then the drama.  ODD got into the car, one day, and rambled on about the injustice that is being pushed on her and “how life is not fair”.  After I slowed her down to the point where I could understand every other word, I got the story.  It appears that while the kids can decorate the inside of their lockers, they were not allowed to decorate the outside, EXCEPT for the members of the dance team.  WHAT?!  How can this be?  What Elitist regime is this where the dance team get the great privilege of decorating the outside of their lockers, but no one else?   I was assured at the end of this mini in training tangent that I need not worry my little head, because a teacher has taken up the cause and some day the rest of the kids will be able to decorate the outside of their lockers and become equal with the dance team.

Just as my blood pressure had return to normal, I was hit with another “situation” that needed to be remedied right away and the only one to remedy it was ME.  It seems that one of Amber’s locker neighbors has gone full out in the renovation process.  It was a total tear down and rebuild.  There was wallpaper, shelves, chandeliers, rugs and the finest art that one can get miniaturized.  It appears that Amber had moved into the upscale neighborhood, but her house was the last small house from the ’50′s that was never torn down to make way for the next McMansion.   I was informed that I would have to spend my days with locker designers to come up with the perfect space that expressed exactly who Amber is.  I have failed as a mother, because all I got her was a shelf, which is GENIUS, and a small pink basket that was meant for her extra pens and pencils, but instead became the holder for her hairbrush and lip balm.  Will life ever go on?

Sam has brought his own drama, but nothing that exhausts me to the point of girl drama.  Matter of fact, I was proud how well Sam took being scolded by a classmate’s father after Sam had called his son a name.  I have hopes of a drama break with Sam until Evie takes up residence in girl drama land.  I hope in my old age I will gain perspective, but I think I will just lose my ability to care.

Here is the knowledge that the kids will go back to school with this year:

Amber:

Spidergirl lives…in my house.  Future skill, cleaning those cobwebs that I can’t reach.

Evie:

Ah, the legacy of attitude lives on.  Future skill,  she can shake her neck and wave her finger the next time someone tries to cut in front of me at Walmart.

Sam:

War has been playing out in my living room for days.  Don’t worry the Disney Princesses have been on hand to take care of all injuries. Future skill, warfare, of course.  Although, I hope he eventually learns that tanks don’t fly and dinosaurs don’t usually take part in war.

Yes, it has been a knowledge filled summer, but it has come to an end.  The kids, minus Evie, will be off to school, soon, and I will learn what it is like to have a clean house for more than 5 minutes and what those people are saying on TV.

Maybe, gymnastics?

I guess we won’t stop the college fund just yet.

I signed Sam up for cabbage ball through his school, because it was cheap, in the evening, only an hour and would get us outside.  I would have signed up Amber, but it meant spending 3 hours outside and I am not up for that.  I do regret it, because the girl is itching to do sports.  She is learning how to throw a football, desperately wants to play cabbage ball and ask to play basketball with the big boys while Sam takes Tae Kwon Do.  I think a basketball hoop is in our near future.

It is surprising how well the kids take to cabbage ball.  Sure there are wanderers, the whole team running for the ball, throwing the ball in the wrong direction and not running to all the bases.  What can you expect from a bunch of 4,5 and 6 yr olds.  There is no score keeping and everyone wins.  I, also, think everyone gets a trophy at the end of the “season”.  Yeah, it is that kind of situation.  Meh, if I really wanted to teach Sam the art of knock down drag out competition there are many places to sign him up.  We have had our fair share of COMPETITION with cheerleading, so we are taking a breather.  Besides, Sam has already experienced his mom yelling, “TAKE THAT KID OUT!” and it is only our 3rd month in TKD.  So, I am not that worried that he will not know the feel of lost.  Matter of fact he felt it, yesterday, when he took a round house kick to the chest.

Getting the game plan for the game.  I believe it mostly consist of stay on your base, try not to run into each other and not everyone needs to run for the ball at once.

And here he is, guarding his post.

You mean I was suppose to stop that ball?

I am watching you!
Yeah, well I brought my daddy with me.
First baseman is a tough position.

We got a hit!

RUN!

RUN! FORREST! RUN!

That is where our pictures end, because it is freezie pop time.  Which, let’s face it, is the main reason we are all there.

To be totally honest I don’t know if I really want a vacation.  Now, I should admit that if someone offered great childcare so that SoHubby and I could go on a fabulous no cares vacation I would be drooling and packed before they could say, “The kids are fine.”  That is a long shot.  Any vacation right now would involve cranky kids, a husband connected to electronic gadgets and one stressed out mom.  Which makes me think that we have been conditioned to WANT a vacation.  Who really wants to pack for 5 people, cram everyone into a car for hours, listen to kids fight over who didn’t touch whom and then do it in reverse with the prize being a mountain of laundry.  Sure there are good times to be had in between, but is it worth the money, time and aggravation to take this freak show on the road?  I say, NO.

My goal for summer, as the kids have gotten older. is to keep them just busy enough as to not want to kill each other.  At the point of wanting to shove the kids in their rooms for the rest of their lives, we are off to a schedule activity or the pool.  Oh the pool, it has miracle powers.  It makes children stop fighting and tired.  Some have said our schedule is crazy.  I say it is the only thing keeping us sane.  We have cabbage ball (it is larger than a softball and hirlarious to watch small children run around like crazed research monkeys who just escaped from the lab), Ta Kwon Do (where small children beat the hell out of each other), gymnastics (the de-energizer) , and library storytime (aka another adult entertains your child while you play on your smartphone).  Then there is the glorious pool.  I joined the fitness center for the pool.  You could easily kill 2/3 hours at the pool and not even blink.  The pool is the saving grace of summer.  The bonus is that if I can throw myself out of bed early enough in the morning, I can have a couple of hours of childfree time.  You would be amazed what an hour on the treadmill watching Will and Grace can do for your mood.  It is no Disney cruise, but our schedule full of activities is making summer much less torture chamber bidding time before school starts and more I can’t kill you today, because it is POOL TIME!

I don’t know how the kids feel about any of this.  I think Amber is the only one that really remembers us taking regular vacations.  Although, Amber and Sam both talk about the family reunion in Tennessee often.  Sam is heavily influenced by the commercials.  I simply pat him on the head and say maybe someday we will go to Atlantis.  Evie has no clue.  I think her first real hotel stay was our recent cheer competition in Biloxi, MS.  That sets the bar really low for her.  It does hurt some to tell the kids that we won’t be doing Disney anytime soon, but look at the stuff I have to distract them with.  The one thing I can say with certainty is that their summers are a 100 times better than any of my summers as a kid.  So we will stay home and keep with our activity heavy schedule to keep us busy during the summer.  If you pass me and wonder what is behind that smile on my face, just know that I am thinking no packing, no mountainous laundry, no long car rides with screaming kids, no cranky off routine kids and I get to sleep in my own bed at night.  It isn’t quite the same as a beach front condo on the beach of Destin, but I know for sure I won’t be eaten by a shark.

1. SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!  Look, I went through this with my parents and, now, it is your turn.  Just for the sake of all our sanity shut the freaking door.  It isn’t really that hard and you will save the screaming…at the lizards and frogs that seem to think an opened door is an invitation to come on in and make themselves at home. If I have to come eye to eye with a lizard when I sit down on the sofa to relax, I am going to go homicidal.  On the lizard, of course.

2. Clean up after yourselves.  It is not that hard.  No one cleaned up after you at school and no one will do it at home for you.  What am I? Your mother?  Oh wait!…Scratch that.  I am not your maid, so if you keep missing your mouth while eating or drinking then clean it up.  Summer will be much better without me having a coronary everytime you spill something.

3. Just know that since I gave birth to you and you are at an age where you are capable of doing certain things that means you are my slave.  I know, I know, the Constitution outlawed slavery, but what the government doesn’t know won’t hurt me.  And let’s be honest here, I am doing the bulk of the workload, anyway.  I don’t need to add an hour long discussion on the merits of you taking out the trash to my workload.  Take it out and then you can plant your butt back on the sofa and watch your show while I  continue EVERYTHING ELSE THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!

4. When I say enough with the My Little Pony show or any other show.  I mean ENOUGH!  There are only a handful of shows that make me want to go sit on the nearest cliff during the windy season and MLP is one of them.  I have enough screeching, whiny little creatures in real life, I don’t need to watch them on TV, too.  And Pinkie Pie needs to go away.  I don’t care where she goes, but either she can go away or get punched in the throat.

5. When I say NO, it is not a signal for you to keep asking me until my head splits in 2 and scream, ” I SAID NO!”.  No means no, even when it is said to child from parent.

6. If I tell you that we can’t go swimming this week, just leave it at that unless you want a lesson in the workings of the female body.  And walking away saying, “OH mom must be on her period” due to the fact that I just yelled at you, “NO MEANS NO!”, doesn’t help the situation.  Just know that soon you will be dealing with the same thing and I have a blog where I can enact my revenge.

7. No cracking out the kids!  This one is for SoHubby.  It is NOT 1978, which means there are other alternatives to Kool Aid to give our children.  I know you think it is funny to get them all jumpy on sugar and leave for work, but just know I have my own form of torture that I can dole out.  See number 6.

8.  If you would like to get home quick from grocery shopping, then don’t whine, complain and fart around while we are grocery shopping.  Making me remind you a million times not to stand directly behind or in front of the shopping cart, to stay with me, or to hurry up picking a toy that you just have to spend your money on takes up precious time that could have been spent racing around throwing random items into the basket so we can go home.

9. Don’t say you are bored, if you don’t want me to make you unbored.  I guarantee that whatever task I give you will be much more painful, in your mind, than the current boredom you are experiencing.  Look, there are baseboards to be cleaned, cabinets to be wiped down, extra school work that can be done, etc that will make that boredom seem like paradise.

10. There will be down days and super busy days.  The less complaining from you ensures we all have a fun summer.  I know all your friends are going on luxury vacations and having the time of your lives while you are stuck here with your parents and siblings, but it is the hand that you have been dealt so just deal with it.  You can always dream of the day when you move out of our house and do all those fun things we never let you do.  Oh and when you are daydreaming about how great your life will be once you are on your own, don’t forget to daydream that great fun job you got without any hard work where you make a ton of money.

Love,

Mom

Amber has always been opinionated, but at this point in her life everything is a debate.  Even more worse is that she THINKS she is right all the time, too.  UGH!  Many times I snap out of an argument I am having with Amber and think, “DAMN, I am arguing with a 9 year old.  What does she know about the world?  Or anything?”.  That is when I yell, “I am the MOM and you will do what I say.”  I don’t think I have to tell you how frustrating it is to have every word out of your mouth debated.  It makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall.  I think that might be actually more productive than any argument I have with Amber. At least I am not alone in the Great Debate.  Amber does this with her friends, her dad and even her coaches.  Somehow, her teacher has been able to escape this little trait.  Seeing as I am a little intimidated by Amber’s 4th grade teacher, I can only guess why she has not encountered this problem.

More proof that Amber is firmly cemented into Tweendom is her “love life”.  She is 9 yrs old, soon to be 10, so her love life is not that extensive, at least to us in the real world.  In her mind, there is great drama going on.  First, we have Ron Weasley.  No that is not some boy in her class.  It is the character from Harry Potter.  My lovely daughter has a thing for second fiddles.  Not!  That that is a bad thing.  We have, finally, gotten to a point where we don’t hear his name mentioned everyday.  Amber has branched out into talking about more real life crushes, like boys in her class.  This all started just recently and I have to admit I was surprised.  Amber didn’t really show any signs that she was crushing on these little boys.  Matter of fact, she rarely mentioned any boy in her class.  However, toward the end of the year I started hearing about this boy and that boy and who was dating whom.  First, I needed clarification on dating:

Me:  Whoa! Whoa!  What do YOU mean DATING?

Amber:  Like, you know?  DATING!

Me:  Are you telling me that these little boys are picking up these little girls and taking them somewhere?

Amber: YES!

Me:  You can’t be serious? *What the hell kind of Catholic school is?*

Later I would fine out that dating means the kids plan to meet up for lunch.  Not very hard to do considering they are all forced to be around each other for 8 hours a day.  That was a load off my mind when the voice of reason stepped in.

Then we had a little Days of our Lives drama happening when Amber admitted to liking a boy who had already professed his 4th grade love to another.  It seemed all cool until one day it became a big topic of discussion.  There were field reporters doing research, factcheckers trying to get confirmation, Amber supporters not making comments, interviews finally held where the parties agreed that there maybe liking going on, but nothing was being pursued.  Oh but the scars of tween love and lost had been forever sealed on Amber’s heart.  Should I even mentioned the date Amber was suppose to have with one boy, but he stood her up instead.  Fourth grade in Catholic school is hardcore.  All I remember of public school fourth grade was making it out of the bathroom alive to fight another day.

The drama continued between the girls but not over boys.  Here is where mothers of boys can get a little smug.  Sure you have to deal with a bloody nose, black eye, etc, but then it is over.  With girls it is the deep emotionally scarring that takes the rest of our lives and thousands upon thousands of dollars of therapy just for us to get out of bed and face another day.  Female humans are the only creatures that never throw a punch, but do the most lasting damage.  I have already logged many hours trying to convince Amber to just let it roll off her back, BUT “MOMTHEYSAIDIWASABRUNETTEWHENREALLYIAMABLONDE!”  They are right I don’t get it.  If some of this stuff was said to me today, I would probably laugh in the other person’s face.  However, when you are 9 yrs old and the consensus is that you are a brunette when all you want to be is a blonde your whole world has been shattered.

The least, but still annoying, proof of Tweendom is the radio battle.  I don’t have great music taste and will listen to the trashiest top 40 hit currently blowing iTunes record, but I still have some standards.  First, what the hell is this One Direction and why is it only one?  I swear if I hear that song one more time I am going to drive us all off in a ravine.  (Don’t worry, I don’t think we have any ravines in South LA.)  Don’t even get me started on the screeching that comes from the third row when I DARE attempt to change the station when one of these fine teeny bopping songs comes on.  You would think Amber’s heart was just pierced while pouring lemon juice into the wound.  When I go deaf, she is paying for my hearing dog.  Not sure how I am going to make it through the next 3 years much less the Teenhood.