Today had potential to be a good day. We got to sleep in an extra hour and 45 minutes and there was a chance of sneaking in a little shopping for myself since I was going to be out all day, anyway. Little did I know.
I wake up refreshed from sleeping in an extra hour and 45 minutes (just had to said it again, because it was so glorious and rare), ready for the day. I was going to face any challenges that may come my way and beat them with a smile. Within a mere 15 minutes I am running late. No big deal, I would just have to skip some routine grooming. No eyebrows or fashion for me today. Not a big deal. On the bright side, I had gotten all the clean laundry put away and wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Well…until the mountain of laundry that would be waiting for me when I got home in the evening. No matter, the day was bright and had potential, right?
Even though I had skipped some regular grooming, we still had to hustle. I ran downstairs shooing kids into the car while throwing breakfast (for me) and snacks (for Evie) in the diaper bag. There was some hairy moments when Sam played his little cry-whine-I-want-a-hug-from-Daddy-and-if-I-don’t-get-it-I-will-just-DIE! game. After a happy, yet, slightly annoyed COME ON! from me we were on our way. Thankfully the bridge was not packed with traffic and I didn’t have to threaten to throw myself off of it to just get to the bottom of it. Once we hit the bottom, I texted Sam’s speech therapist to assure her that we were on our way, we would just be a few minutes late. Success! We made it to Speech only a minute late. My punishment for this crime? No parking. No big deal. I would just squeezed into the end of the row only hanging slightly into the street. No one was killed, so the day still had potential, right?
After speech I rush Sam into the car, race him to his school and then off to the eye doctor for Amber. This is the reason we got to sleep in this morning. Amber had an eye appointment after her Spanish teacher recommended she get some glasses. It seems that Amber has been complaining that she can’t see the board. However, she complains to the teachers and not really to us, her parents. The reason for that? Well, it doesn’t look so good for me. Knowing that my daughter is a bit of a drama queen, I asked her if she REALLY had trouble seeing or was she looking for some attention. You see Amber doesn’t miss any day of school. She is rarely sick and I do my best to make all appointments during non-school hours. Well, this is not cool to a 3rd grader, especially when she sees her friends getting pulled out of school on a regular basis. So, basically in her 8.5 yr old mind she is missing out on something when in reality she is not missing out on anything. However, in a very blank mom moment, I made her appointment in the morning. It doesn’t help that on our way out the door, this morning, her father reminded her that she would be in trouble if this was all a ploy to be more like Harry Potter. You guessed it, folks, my daughter is near sighted. She can’t see the board from her seat in the second row and I am the biggest ass in the world, today. No big deal, right? There is always tomorrow where someone else has a turn to be the biggest ass. Still things are not so bad. The appointment is moving smoothly, except for the rotten smell coming from Evie’s butt and the fact that I had just changed her diaper a mere 5 minutes ago. Amber was going to get to school with some decent learning time left. We were on track. Then the first brick hit me in the face, $250 for glasses. For a child. Little glasses. That will probably be broken, lost, scratched, etc. within the first day of receiving them. There is a reason I keep Amber’s possessions under a certain dollar amount, the girl would lose her head and not notice for a good couple of hours. I am not putting her down; just telling the truth. I have seen the girl walk into walls, because she was too busy looking at something shiny. And no that is not a joke or exaggeration. So I get the warranty and we go on our way, just a little lighter in the wallet area. That seals it, I better find another way to kill some time before picking up Sam instead of shopping. Oh well, I knew that this child rearing was dirty business, although I never truly grasped how expensive children could be, before. OUCH!! I guess in my state of sticker shock, I forgot my phone. It always happens. You get everyone buckled into their respective carseats and BAM!! you notice you forgot something. Luckily, the people who work in the doctor’s office are saints and one of them brought me my phone (my life line to sanity).
We race through a drive through, since Amber had missed lunch, and get her to school before noon. Doctor’s note explaining why she was wearing great grandmother’s Blublockers handed and filed in the office which meant Evie and I had 2 hours to kill before the afternoon race began. We grabbed a little lunch at the SAHMs favorite hangout, Chick-fil-A and then ran a few little errands.
Everything was running smoothly in the afternoon race until we stopped at our normal gas station (minus Transsexuals today) for a snack. Evie only had one shoe. She had 2 when I last put her in her carseat. She had 2 tucked under each arm the last time I turned around and checked on her, but alas there was only one shoe when I went to get her out. The kids and I torn apart the back 2 rows and couldn’t find the other shoe. Then it hits me. Evie loves to take her shoes off whether it be 20 below or 120. The socks and shoes come off as soon as she gets in her seat. No big deal the other kids did the same thing, except Evie loves to fling her shoes and socks around the car. I figured that she had thrown her shoe between the door and the seat and when Amber opened the door to get in during carpool the shoe fell out onto the street. After getting a snack, I race back to Amber’s school only to NOT find the shoe. The anger bubbling up inside of me, I tell Amber to check lost and found when she goes to school, tomorrow, and I give Evie the stink eye, again, for good measure. Earlier I had told her that we don’t throw our shoes outside of the car to which she pushed her bottom lip out and gave me puppy eyes. Didn’t work this time, because this time I would be judge for taking my beginning walker out of the house without shoes. What kind of mother does that? I mean what kind of mother dare have her kid walk around on dirty floors with only her socks on? Well, a mom who has a child that is trying out to be the next pitcher of the Zephrs. We make it to gymnastics where there is not one parking space to be found and large SUVs double parked everywhere. I
kick let Amber out and drive down the road a bit to calm down. I, finally, make it back to the gymnastics parking lot to illegally park in a spot reserved for another business and sit. Sam had fallen asleep, so Evie and I sit and relax for 45 minutes. The day was not shaping up and I was losing my patience.
Sam wakes up whining, which just sets me off. WHAT?! He has to go to the bathroom. GREAT! It is pouring down rain and freezing. I have to assess the situation, do I want to clean a pee filled booster seat or do I want to get a little wet? Okay, everyone out and get under the umbrella. Of course, Sam walks everywhere but under the umbrella and complains he is wet and cold. I am trying to hold onto Evie, the diaper bag and umbrella. We make it into the building where I close my umbrella and leave it in the foyer where the other wet umbrellas laid. We all go do our business while Amber sits up front. Ready to go home and have this day end, I walk to the foyer only to find not one umbrella left. WAIT! What the hell just happened? Isn’t it etiquette that when you leave your wet umbrella at the front of a place no one takes it? Did I miss a memo? Amber then informs me that a woman had asked a girl at the desk if she could take an umbrella to go to her car to get her umbrella. The girl said, “sure”. Of course, she said sure, IT WASN’T HER DAMN UMBRELLA! Here I am with 3 kids looking out the window for this woman who took my umbrella. I see no one. A man, sensing my aggravation, almost offers me his umbrella, but I stop him. I want MY UMBRELLA! Look I know umbrellas are a some what disposable item. I have lost many over the years. However, I found one that is the right size and opens with one button. There is a reason that it remains in my car at all times. Finally, I see a woman get out of a van with MY UMBRELLA! She is walking up the stairs with MY UMBRELLA where I meet her with my GO AHEAD MESS WITH ME STARE. She timidly ask, “Is this your umbrella” and asks, “do you need it?” Here is where my day just crumbles into a big heap unto itself. It takes every fiber of my being to just answer, “YES!”, instead of “HELL YEAH, BITCH!”. I am still Southern, afterall. So she runs back to get her umbrella from the car, because you doesn’t want to get wet. Imagine that. At this point, I give up. The day has beaten me and I was ready to just go home and crumble. We pile into the car, Amber and Sam wet because they can’t, for the life of them, walk with me under the umbrella, Evie with her one shoe and me totally defeated. Almost immediately the fighting in the third seat begins and it continues until I decide to blow the air horn (Oh, yes, I bought an air horn. I saw them at the Dollar Store and decided this would be the perfect thing to break up the constant fights in the car. It works…for a minute and then it is business as usual.) The rest of the night is filled with alternating between doing laundry, making dinner, getting kids baths, reading books, taking care of bloody noses, answering a million questions about Harry Potter and glasses (sometimes related, sometimes not), doing dishes and not completely falling apart. Tomorrow better be a hell of a lot better or I am going to junk punch someone.
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