Amber hates our dates night. So much so, that you would think that when we leave we will never come back and she will have to live the rest of her life with MawMaw. I haven’t told her, but I think if she just took a minute to thinkabout it, it wouldn’t be such a bad setup. MawMaw tires easily and is quick to give in. This pass week, with our visitor, I had decided that it would be better to take her along with us. This led Amber to more hysterics, because why does Teen get to go and not her. Well, because I am a horrible mother hell bent on destroying my daughter’s life. That’s why. Of course, Daddy rushes in and becomes Amber’s knight in shining armor. And they say those only appear in fairy tales. He promised her that they would have a date day, to which Amber excitedly replied, “Wewillgettogotoamovieanddinnerjustlikeyouandmommy!!” Yes, all in one breath. It would later evolve into date day with Sam, as well, where he would be dragged on the big day of fun with Daddy leaving the evil mother (that would be me, if you have lost track) home all by her lonesome. YIPPEE!!!
Saturday night, after a long day of dropping off Teen and cramming other errands in, I felt a little sickness afoot. Sunday, I awoke feeling like the living dead, except that wasn’t enough and someone decided to kick my ass, too. I think I have traced it back to the half eaten brownie that my daughter had gnawed on before rejecting. It was the last of the brownies and I just had to have it. Well, I think my little carrier monkey gave me the crud. Like always, the crud for kids is pretty much nothing, but for adults it leaves you immobile and very cranky. Oh lucky day, I get to stay home all day feeling like death warmed over while the kids and Dad get to have buckets of fun.
Brunch with friends
Dinner at Shogun, which has become Amber’s favorite restaurant because all the Asian ladies called her, Princess on her and Daddy’s last date night. It helped that she had on her very puffy dress and every piece of toy jewelry she could find.
Somehow, George managed to work in some leftover work he needed to get done and a trip down to Da Parish. Needless to say, I was not happy about it, but decided not to give him too much grief. I recieved various status reports and while the children were well behaved, George claimed to be tired. Oh, poor baby is tired. Welcome to my world, muthasucka!
Me? I laid around wishing for death and watching a few movies that are inappropriate for wee ones. On the showing list:
Old School: You my BOY, Blue!! And Will Ferrell, you are the master.
Love Actually: The best love story that was ever made. Those British are funny, with all their weird accents and insulting everyone left and right. Maybe the Revolutionary War was just a misunderstanding of words between us colonists and those squirrelly Brits. Nah!
My Cousin Vinny: More funny speaking humans. Marisa Tomei really deserved that Oscar for that movie. Favorite line: It’s called disclosure, DICKHEAD!! Well, you know it is better if she said it.
The day would conclude with me greeting the kids home with hugs and kisses, because I missed them, then quickly realizing why I needed a day off. Only next time, God, when you answer one of my prayers make sure I am as not sick as a lab monkey. Thanks.
Today, I woke up worse than yesterday. I had hoped and prayed that it was a 24 hour thing, but sadly God doesn’t answer prayers of those who don’t go to church come hell, high water and massive mucus build up. Oddly I did have the energy and will power to clean house. Needless to say, we missed swim class, because hey who wants to be in cold water in the hot humid summer while your head is as filled as a zit ready to pop. Then there is the fact that no one wants to be near you, your dripping nose and swim in your snot. I think I made the right decision. However, I knew that I needed to get out of the house at some point.
I had a hankering for fish. Not just any fish, but Zea’s Trout Lafitte. Oh, the creamy sauce with huge lightly fried shrimp swimming over a perfectly grilled fillet of trout. One thing I didn’t realize was that it was “Be a Huge Asshole Day” at Target. First, no parking spot to be found. No big deal, I am willing to walk, even if I am half-dead and craving fish flesh. A new kind of zombie. I do not like finding a parking spot in the vicinity of Timbuktu only to have to push 2 carts out of the way and then to the cart corral. Oh yeah, I am nice like that. Of course, you know I cursed the sonabitch that left them there. I thought of just leaving them in the middle of the parking lot, but then I got a glimpse of Karma having someone hitting said carts right smack into my car. So, I walked my sick ass pushing 2 carts and guiding 2 wayward children away from certain death by car. Our journey wasn’t quite over as we stood at the edge of the parking lot waiting to cross to get to the restaurant. Not one rude ass muthafucker stopped to let us pass. There were old men barely able to see driving at top speed, there was the stupid bitch oblivious to the world around her on the phone and just random assholes not willing to stop for a mere 20 seconds so we could cross. So, if the kids and I wanted to eat we had to make a run for it. I held onto Sam’s hand tight and instructed Amber to RUN FOR HER LIFE! I am proud to announce that we made it safely to the restaurant and enjoyed our meal.
While at Target, I got a neti pot . (Oh wait, how did I just make it to Target? Well, the restaurant is in a mall that has a Target, duh. Keep up will ya.) I get these sinus problems often and my friend has told me many times to get this little marvel of the times gone by and all will be better. I think I need more practice. First, I had to ask the Pharmacist for one, which made me wonder if I really wanted this device. You know anything behind the Pharmacist counter should be handle with care and by a professional. I am capable of neither.
Then, I use it. Holy mother of God. One must remember to leave one’s mouth open. I forgot and paid dearly. This leads to much choking and disorientation. I didn’t see any mucus removal, but there was much tearing and tasting of salt water. The kids, of course, gathered around to watch the spectacle that is their mother. I mean how many times do you see your mother make a little pot of salt water tea and then proceed to shove it up her nose to only watch it drain out the other side. If this was back in the olden days, I would be proclaimed a witch and burned at the stakes. Anything for some relief. Afterwards, I did feel a little bit better, but suddenly I could hear the ocean in my ears.
Another helpful reliever of my sinus problems is the Coke Icee. And you don’t need a prescription, just a freakin place that doesn’t have their machine on defrost. I stopped at 2 Burger Kings, my regular dealer supplierplace to get an Icee. What the hell is going over there? At 2pm in the afternoon, both places were packed. Did someone get the munchies all at the same time? Oh, but I remembered, hey, I could use some gas and they sell Icees at my local gas station. What I found when I entered was not Icee, but something called Snoee. What the fuck? Well, I was desperate and much like the drug addict who will smoke oregano when faced with no hope, I went straight for it. Wasn’t bad.
Our gas station has recently be taken over by a large group called, Brothers. They are forgein. Don’t ask me where they are from, because I don’t care as long as they have some form of my drug beverage of choice. I asked the guy at the counter if they were still going to sell Shell gas. He said, “Chicken?” ”No,” I say “Shell gas. Are you still going to sell Shell gas?” Unintelliable, “we will have a kitchen over there,” he replied I give him the money and wonder if I have gone deaf, like someone else, or if I am just crazy from the sickness. I chosen to believe he doesn’t speak the English too well and go about my business.
Next stop to drop off my directionally challenged daughter at gymnastic class. I don’t normally just drop Amber off, but I was way past due on my oil change and thought my hour sitting trying to see her class alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way in the back would be better spent getting said oil change. I told Amber to take off her dress, get out of the car and go into the building. The first thing my lovely daughter does is go the wrong way. The gym is in an industrial area and there are many large trucks barreling through the parking lot. I promptly yelled, as she had already made it about 2 offices down, for her to get her lily white heiney back here . Then I noticed that her leotard is on backwards. Good Lord!! Help this girl make it through her elementary years.
I hopped out of the car giving Amber an earful as I stripped her down in the back of the Sub to right her leotard and get her going in the right direction. Ah, unseemly, maybe, but sometimes you got to do what’s you got’s to do. I informed her that she was headed in the wrong direction and maybe she would have more fun, if, you know, she didn’t go into the office furniture store but into the gym. My completely blonde little girl, without a clue, shrugged her shoulders and, finally, made it to the correct door.
It was a long mucus filled day with many adventures. One I am happy is over. Now, onto the next day where I hope we will find ourselves at swim class or have us swimming far into the winter months. *sigh* My life, can someone stop it so I can get off?
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