Get 8 adults together and you will learn many things, like, pregnant women travel in packs and draw out other pregnant women, if you are a large group at a restaurant in a bad economy it will warrant you a free bottle of wine and it helps when you buy 2, anyway, or that your daughter’s social life is in jeopardy, she might be gay and you had no clue. Oh how hard Amber’s life is as a first grader. She has had boyfriend problems, friend problems, her cat died and…I could go on but really I don’t need the tears to short circuit anyone’s computer. I am not totally unfeeling. I do feel for her and all the hardships that come along with being a first grader in the 21st century, but EVERYDAY. So many in fact that I can’t remember them all. Like the sands in the sandbox, so are the irritations of our lives.
I have chronicled Amber’s boyfriend problems before. Well, they are continuing only with a new boy. The boy from last year is still her friend, but since they only see each at recess their relationship has blossomed from a co-dependent train wreck to a nice friendship where they get along and can play without much fuss. Or it could be that Amber has a new focus in her quest for drama. There are teasings from the other girls, who introduced my daughter to the term boyfriend, who this time have go on to explain exactly what a boyfriend means. I won’t place all the blame on Amber’s classmates, there are other outside influences like Hannah Montana and iCarly. Sure I could turn these shows off and let her go back to watching Dora and the Wonder Pets, however, that might further scar her social life. Are you starting to see the tragedy of being a mother? You can never win.
Last night at dinner I was informed that the lunch I had packed for Amber could cause future beach houses and fast cars for some lucky therapist. We had a slight problem when contemplating lunch for Friday, we were out of bread. I had meant to stop at the store to pick some up, but being pregnant, and not having full use of my brain, I forgot. So at 7pm at night we were scrambling to find something, anything, that would be a good lunch. I will admit I was not thinking of my daughter’s social life at the time, just making sure she didn’t starve. Amber mentioned how she wanted Lunchables and how I was mean to not buy her any and all her friends have them, blah, blah. Being the smart, creative (HA!) mom that I am I exclaimed, “You want Lunchables! I can make you Lunchables!” And that is when I cut up some ham and cheddar cheese and packed it into a container. Another problem arose, we were out of crackers. DAMMIT!! I could have sworn I bought crackers just a couple of weeks ago. No worries we had little toasts left over from Sam’s party and they would be perfect for a gourmet version of Lunchables. Lunch problem solved, crisis averted, now, everyone to bed. The next day, I would find the cheese rolling around in the lunch bag and the toasts crunched into a fine powder. Amber’s answer to this mess, “The bread broke, Mama.” *sigh* I tried and failed, but I still refused to buy overpriced sub-quality cheese and ham just so my daughter doesn’t feel like a leper at the lunch table. Sure with a nice, store bought Lunchable she would be the belle of the lunch room, but what about her clogged arteries and expanding waist line later in life? Besides, have you ever tasted one of those things? YUCK!!!
Another stain on Amber’s social record is that she has been labeled as A GAY by another classmate. I was not privy to this conversation, but what I learned from my husband, at a nice restaurant in front of 6 other people, is that some kid told Amber she is gay because she LOVES one of her teachers, one of her FEMALE teachers. Basically, Amber had asked SoHubby if being gay meant that you love someone of the same sex. It is true that Amber has a special relationship with her drama teacher. However, not to go into too much detail of the intimate details of the homosexual lifestyle (we haven’t even had the heterosexual discussion, yet!) SoHubby informed her that she was not gay. It is hard to find the words, without giving too much information, that you can love anybody and not be gay or otherwise with them. Maybe I will just bring her down to the Quarter one Southern Decadence for a little show and tell. Nah, I think that might scar all of us for a long time.
I can understand the Lunchables and have no problem with telling Amber to just suck it up and ignore these little kids talking with their mouths full of processed food. I mean we are not totally without fault in the food department. She has brought pre-packaged cookies, chips and a hot dog or two to school, before. I mean I don’t make her eat granola and dirt everyday, so I doubt that the Lunchables will be a big problem. I do have to wonder about the gay comment and how this little boy came about his definition. I won’t point any fingers, just yet, because he may have older siblings or just misunderstood a conversation that he wasn’t suppose to hear. I mean, as parents, we have all been there, thought our kids weren’t listening or forgot that they have super sonic hearing when they are listening to something that has nothing to do with them. I just wish that some topics would lay dormant until our kids are around 30 years old and explaining the working of a sexual relationship would be an easier conversation to have. I know that these things need to be discussed and records set straight, but at 6 YEARS OLD? *sigh* Maybe we should stop feeling sorry for the children of the 21st century and START worrying about the parents of 21st century. Something tells me we are going to need all the sympathy and therapy we can get. Once again the only people who win are the therapists. DAMMIT!!!