Since I have 2 kids in “big kid school” I have become scatter brained. I have box tops, cheerleading, books, homework, algebra (OMG!), trumpets (loudly, I might add), AR for 2 kids, and a million other things floating around in my head. So getting a cohesive blog post is a little tough. Half the time, it takes me a minute to get a word out when a conversation is started with me. I have that deer in headlights look permanently plastered onto my face. All that to justify another post about how we think about family structure in our society.
I am sure if you have one child people might pity you or constantly ask you when you will have another one. If you have 2 kids, especially 1 boy and 1 girl, people tell you how perfect your family is and assume you are done. If you have 3 kids you are kind of stuck in the middle. You had the perfect family and then you went and messed it up with another baby. It seems anything after 3 kids is considered a large family and I am sure you get the “what were you thinking looks”. Basically, how you have decided to structure your family is up for opinion. If you are lucky, like me, you might even get a professional, totally unwanted, medical opinion on how you decided to build your family. Then you get the joy of having the feeling that you don’t want that doctor anywhere near your fallopian tubes.
SoHubby and I talked about 3 kids. After the first, which was like a kick to the throat, I thought I was done. About 3 years later, we would decide (or I would agree to let SoHubby come near me, again.)that we should try for another child. Lucky us, I am pretty easy to knock up and number 2 was on his way. Again, another kick to the throat with a heaping side of losing SoHubby’s job. That was it we were done. Although, we had left the door open. I am not sure what we were thinking. Financial challenges don’t change overnight, especially when you are self-employed and we weren’t getting any younger. At that point, I was just not ready to close up shop. I was wrong, according to just about everyone, because I had my girl and I had my boy what more could I want. I guess I was just greedy.
Choosing the number of children one might have is a pretty personal decision. I do my best not to ask people when they will start having kids, when they are going to have more kids or expressing any surprise in how many kids they currently have or don’t have. Really it is none of my business and I don’t know what is going on in people’s lives. I would hate to badger someone about kids only to learn they were having fertility problems. So I keep my mouth shut.
I will fully admit number 3 was a big surprise. I knew I was pregnant before I was pregnant. I won’t go into the gory details, because this is a family blog (HA!), but I just knew and I was freaked. We were not where we wanted to be financially (still not) and since we are self-employed medical coverage is no walk in the park. There are no $20 co-pays in this world. Things worked out and we are enjoying number 3 along with her siblings. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have many concerns. However, I think I would have concerns no matter how many children I had or don’t have.
What strikes me as odd is the comments I get. I have a weird feeling that people think I have only one child when I am only with one child and that gives me an urge to tell them I have 3. I can usually contain myself, but I do giggle if I meet someone and they try to give me advice as if I have one child. I got a comment once from a guy in a restaurant asking me if SoHubby and I had a television. I was stunned, because at the time I only had 2 kids and was babysitting a friend’s child. And really, 3 kids is a cause for thinking we don’t have anything else to do. I did get a Duggar comment, but I think that was just a joke. I am the first one to tell you that I don’t think I could handle more kids. Wanting more kids and being able to handle more kids is 2 different things and I know my limits. I would like to spend sometime with an empty house before I ride my coffin into the sky. The best comment, which came from my father, was “I hope this is a boy”. No congratulations when I told him I was expecting my 3rd, just hope for a boy. Which is weird, because he just had 2 grandsons not too long ago. Karma tis a bitch, because he ended up with 2 more granddaughters and will forever be surrounded by cackling hens telling him he has no idea what he is talking about.
That aside 3 is a weird number of kids to have. First, you are never in a position of having a childfree night when one child has an invite from a friend. I, either, have one child, two kids or all 3. I am rarely without a child. Second, you are an odd number family so seating in restaurants are weird. Often we are stuck at a table for 4 with the highchair seated at a corner and everyone else is crowded together. I, often, think what will they do when we can’t use the highchair, anymore, which is fast approaching. Sister, doesn’t want to be a baby, anymore. She is a big girl and will tell you so. And forget about fitting your food on the table. If you are lucky enough for them to put you at a larger table, you somehow feel like inviting someone over to eat with you, because you have a tad more space than you need. God forbid you go out to eat with friends or another family. There is major decisions that need to be made and a bustle of activity just to accommodate your large crowd. I mean, why couldn’t you large crowd people just stay home and leave us appropriately numbered gatherings in peace. Third, you can be either a large family or small family depending on the situation.
Eggs. Yes, eggs. The first time I thought we were a large family was when I went to cook eggs for everyone. At the least it would take 7 eggs to feed the family. That is more than half a dozen. I don’t think my mom ever used more than half a dozen of eggs making us breakfast while she was in the position of making our breakfast, but our whole family equaled 3. It was an odd feeling that a dozen eggs wouldn’t get us through the week. That was quickly rectified by buying a dozen and a half, which is a tad too much, but you can’t buy a baker’s dozen of eggs anywhere.
We don’t fit into a sedan. Well, that is not entirely true. We could fit into a sedan, but not comfortably and not with our stuff. It is either minivan or SUV. Of course, we already had a SUV when the first was born, but there is no turning back, now. There have been a few times where I have had to have my SUV in the shop for repairs and we have had to find alternate vehicle accommodations. We have tried SoHubby’s Hyundai which is a stretch fitting 4 people in, much less 5. No! There is no way you are fitting 5 people in that car, especially with required carseats. One time we had the larger Chevy volt, which I liked, but only the kids and I could ride in it at one time and then Amber had to sit in the front, which I am not totally comfortable with. Someone did tell me that a Prius would have more than enough room for all of us. I would like to know how they did that. It must have been a family of clowns, because it was hard getting 2 carseats in the back of that thing when we tried. So we are not spilling out of our Suburban, but we aren’t getting into any car, anytime, soon.
The only time I feel like a small family is when we come across families with more children than us. If it is hard for me to keep up with 3 kids then it must be harder keeping up with 4, 5, 6 kids. Of course, many of our parents or grandparents did it and lived to tell the tale. It seemed normal back then to have 6 or more kids. Now, when you see an actual family with more than 2 kids, people gasp and you get comments. That leaves 3 in the middle. At anytime we can be placed in the small family pile depending on the other families in the room or we could be placed in the large family pile depending on how much space is available. I guess it is not so bad being in the middle when you can pull the positives as you see fit. I guess the biggest lesson to learn is not to make comments regarding other people’s decisions. The taste you are having at that moment is your foot.
I had 5 kids. The rudeness of people when they see a family that size is actually mind boggling. I survived them being young. I survived the pre-teen years. Now if I can just survive the current late teen/early 20′s when they are convinced that they know more than I do and that I’m just an idiot – I’ll have it made. It’s been 26 years that I’ve been raising kids. 3 more till my baby graduates…..
It is ghastly to me how much people think they need to be in your procreation habits!! We have two children and although once upon a time I wanted more, we’re happy now. When ppl ask do I want more, I figure they must want my life story so I go into the whole schpeel: “one has autism, we have crappy medical insurance, literally cannot afford to birth another one, cars too small for a 3rd, and honestly im done being a mommy to babies, I want to enjoy my big kids….” usually their eyes glaze over and and I say, “what? You asked!”
You should hear some of the comments I get – I’m about to pop with #4. My oldest is 10, my youngest started kindergarten this year. Yes, we are starting over. We planned this! Gosh, so many people assume this was an “oops”. Really? Is it any of their business? And NO, we are not trying to start our own football team (my husband is a coach, so we get those comments a lot). My usual response is “the 3 we have a re pretty great, so we decided to have another before we got too old”. And I love when I’m out alone and people ask if this if this is my first – ha ha! Their eyes popping out of their head when i say “no, this is my 4th” is pretty funny. Seriously, people need to mind their own business.
Oh, and as far as having 3, it does get easier once the yougest gets out of the baby stage. There will be a time when all 3 may actually be out of the house!! We were *right there*, but oh well – we’ll get there again