Sam came home earlier this week all excited. Fun Friday! Fun Friday! FUN FRIDAY! The kids’ school will offer babysitting for parents on Fridays. The concept is nice, for $20 you get 4 hours of childfree time and your child gets to eat pizza, watch a movie and play with their classmates. It is a win-win, right?
Not if you are us. First, my kids would be at school from 730am-10pm (or whatever time I decided to pick them up, but let’s be honest I will be waiting until the last second to get them). That is a long day. I wouldn’t just leave one kid there. That would be 2 kids plus I would still have one kid with me, since they won’t take Evie. The cost to me would be $58, since I wouldn’t be making the drive to pick them up, go home and then bring them back to school which means they would be in aftercare for 3 hours. So I had to come up with something to distract Sam away from Fun Friday. Something that could compete with wearing your pajamas at school while eating pizza, watching a movie and playing with your friends. The perfect idea hit me. We would all go see The Lion King…in 3D! It would be perfect. The kids could wear their pajamas, we would eat snacks for dinner and enjoy a fun of adventure of watching lions jump off the screen at us. Oh how soon I forget how well laid well intentioned plans go wrong.
First you must realize that I was breaking all kinds of parenting rules with that above statement. It is disgusting to have your kids go to the movies in their pajamas then come home and go to sleep on their sheets. Really? I hope CPS doesn’t find out that sometimes the kids play all day and then go to bed without…dum…dum…dum…a BATH! Then there is the eating of snacks instead of a properly government approved balanced meal. Preferably with no hair in the bread. And I saved the cordial sin for last. This one I will burn in hell forever. If the kids were asleep by the time we got home, I would plop them into bed without…BRUSHING THEIR TEETH!! Oh the horrors of it all. How did I slip by the parenting police and spawn…3 TIMES? Meh, that is just the mommy boards for you. If someone doesn’t tell you suck then you are not doing it right.
The first problem that we ran into on our journey to the FUNNEST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES! SoHubby was going to meet us there, because he is working and campaigning and is squeezing us in. I sat in the car with the kids, which was mistake number 2. The kids don’t just sit and listen to the radio or talk about their day or any other quiet sitting still things. No they bounce off the sides of the car like a bunch of monkeys that just escaped from the research lab. After about 20 minutes and seeing child after child after hundredth child go into the movie theater we get out. I call SoHubby that he can buy his own ticket, because I would be inside and didn’t know what time he would arrive. I just knew this movie was filling up and with 3 kids in tow things always take 15-20 minutes. We get tickets, go to the bathroom, get snacks, find some seats and things are going smoothly. Then the movie starts. First we have to give detailed instructions over and over, again, regarding putting on the 3 D glasses. Next Evie decides that sitting in her chair is for chumps and will walk between SoHubby and I throughout the movie. She will lean on the chairs in front of her and repeatedly kick the backs of those chairs. Sam will spill the gallon drum drink I bought for him, Evie and SoHubby to share. That is my cue to go get a refill. Thank goodness you get free refills for large drinks or they would have had to drink the diet Coke Amber and I were sharing. I am sure that would have caused much drama, especially from SoHubby.
Next Sam is crying. Why? Who the hell knows. Apparently, he was sitting on dad’s lap before Evie, but Evie muscled her way in and that was cause for crying, thrashing and your run of the mill drama. Cue me taking him out to threaten him to be quiet. Not sure why he needed to be quiet, because every other kid was talking, whining, and crying, too. At least, I could say not my little angel, whom I threaten to keep quiet. Then Sam falls asleep. Evie is still running between SoHubby and I and refuses to sit down. She will hand out kisses, popcorn (which we are not sure where it came from) and drink from everyone’s cup including the family sitting next to us. Finally, the movie ends. I think I saw most of it. There were some lions, a singing pig, and a goofy baboon with a blue ass.
I don’t know when I will learn or if I am just hoping that one day one of these fun outings will result in a “Thanks, Mom. That was fun.” or happy children or a family leaving all together or one of those scenes you seen on TV. Until then I am grinning and trying to bare it. Sure I didn’t get to see the whole movie, but it did look like it was raining in the theater. Maybe I had to drag a heavy sleeping 5 yr old out of the car, but, at least, he was ready for bed. Sure I had to argue with a 2 yr old regarding whether she was hungry or tired, but, at least, I won the argument. Sure, I am sitting at home alone on a Friday night wondering when my husband will be home, but at least there is a pedicure in the morning to look forward to. I cling to hope and let the small victories get me through another day, it is called parenting.