It is hard to say that Amber is a difficult child, because 1. I don’t believe that she is and 2. Sam is only 3 years old and hasn’t really proven whether he is difficult or just being a toddler/preschooler. I can say without a doubt that she is the first born and I think, in general, first borns get the shaft. I know I have felt that many times and I am a first born on both sides of the family. First borns are expected to know better, behave because they know better, are pushed aside when the next cute little baby enters the family, must stand by and watch as their once uptight parents become more and more laid back with each additional kid and trully know what it was like to have all the attention only to have it taken away. It is a hard life, but someone has to be first.
SoHubby made a comment that he felt sorry for Amber because she was the first born. He is the baby of his family and knows the greener side of the pasture. I don’t have the same feeling, but I do feel sorry that certain things we expect of her that maybe are not reasonable. We both knew that we were not going to have just one child and, while we weren’t sure we would be having 3, we definitely knew that there was going to be a second. I think this comment stemmed from the trouble that Amber has been getting into, lately. I can’t decide if she is being a normal 7 year old girl or we are not giving her enough attention or she is knows what is coming with the new baby and acting accordingly.
I will admit it, there has been stress at the Old Homestead. I am 9 months pregnant in hellfire heat, which means we have been stuck inside. My attempts at “summer fun” have been weak at best and doesn’t exactly burn the energy of a fruitfly much less a 7 and 3 year old. SoHubby is busy as ever with all that he does and sometimes has a short fuse when dealing with Amber, in particular. However, I would like to offer up another reason why we might be having trouble with Amber. She and her father are 2 peas in a pod, only her father has somewhat perfected the act of subtle manipulation (I can still see it and only call him on it when he trys to use it on me.) while Amber is still in the learning process of using her genetic “gifts”. SoHubby might disagree, but I have had more therapy then him, so I win.
Many things that Amber does, SoHubby does, like having to always be right and then never admitting when you are wrong. You think it is annoying coming from a 45 year old; try it on a 7 year old. Mainly, because most times you take a step back and think “Holy hell, I am arguing with a 7 year old.” For instance, yesterday we went to the library, while there Sam saw a huge lizard on the wall and pointed it out to me. Later during dinner, he tells SoHubby about it. Amber pipes up that it wasn’t a lizard after all. Huh? Wha? She wasn’t even there when we saw the lizard, but she just had to not only be involved in the conversation, but she had to be right. Of course, she got what she wanted, maybe just not in the way she wanted it. SoHubby and I both turn to her and explode. I should mention that she was just in trouble for another argument where she just wouldn’t back off about how right she was. Later, we explain that always being right is not something people will enjoy and, maybe, she should think about how important the argument is before she gets involved. Now, there is the flaw in our process. What is important to a 7 year old is not necessarily what is important to a 36 and 45 year old. Besides, I am sure all she saw was that her brother was getting some Daddy time and how dare he! So it boils down to attention, but how much? Since Amber and her father are cut from the same cloth, they both like to be the center of attention, so the answer is: it is never enough. This is not always a bad thing, because Amber has not one ounce of fear about getting up on stage and performing. Hell, given the chance she will perform anywhere. And she will talk any stranger’s ear off, until they will wound themself just to get out of the conversation. She is definitely outgoing, but doesn’t know when to pull back.
I have done my best in trying to give the kids attention. Listen to their stories, no matter how long and repetitive they are, and discuss. With Sam it is easy. He will tell a story, I make a comment, and he is off to something else. With Amber, I get eye rolls because how could I possibly be so dumb as to ask that question or better yet how dare I add anything to the conversation at all. Then there are the conversations where I can’t seem to explain anything right. Again at the library, Amber saw a prize box set up for kids who have read a certain number of books. I told her that if she wanted to participate she had to go to the counter and ask about the program. Now here is where we butt heads. I see no value in getting a plastic flute for reading 5 books over a 100 pages long, but then again I am not who the prizes are geared toward. Amber never did ask and was under the impression that she could just sit down in the library find any old 100 page book, read 5 of them and then get a prize. No amount of explanation or logic was going to deter her from her goal. Finally, we left, because I could feel my blood boiling from 1. being 9 months pregnant, 2. the kids playing with toys at the LIBRARY and 3. trying to explain a concept to a 7 year old who is always right. It is tiring and best to leave to get sno-balls, which would cool everyone down.
I feel as if Amber and my relationship is much like SoHubby’s and my relationship. In the beginning I shook my head and did my best to convince him that logically he was wrong. I tried and tried to tell him that if he would just allow others to think they had the power he would be better equipped to lord power over them. Then I gave up and let him make his own mistakes and come to the conclusion that I was right all along. I feel I am in the butting my head up against a wall stage with Amber and I am thinking how long do I go on before I just step back and let her fall face first on the hard concrete to figure this whole thing out. The problem is Amber is my daughter and I would like to be able to tell her that if she just acted this way the world would be a much easier place for her. Well, any seasoned parent will tell you that you can talk until you are blue in the face, but until that child experiences the great teacher, LIFE, nothing you say will do much. I have been just trying to will myself to accept Amber as she is, like I did with SoHubby, and move on. It is so hard to just stand by and do nothing, especially when I have a 45 year old arguing with a 7 year old in the other room and I just want it to stop, already.
So no matter how much she struggles and complains, I will still hug her, talk with her and do my best to guide her through her journey and hope with all my might that sooner than later she will realize that maybe her mother knows a little something, besides how to clean floors and make a meal, about the world and it is okay to listen to her every once in awhile. Or she will take her Daddy’s route, go through some rough times to only come out better in the end. Either way I think I better look into getting my heart check on a regular basis and a good pharmacist.
