Trial Run

Since 3 Kid Wednesdaywas moved to Friday due to the holidays, I figured I would make a trial run taking 3 kids grocery shopping.  The biggest problem is scheduling.  Naptime is around 10 am and I knew that we would run over that, but the younger kids would fall asleep in the car and then I could just transfer them to their beds, riiiiiiiight?  Uh, that would be a big fat no, shown by the 2 screaming kids upstairs right now.  However, the alternate of waiting until after naptime was not good, either, because then I would run into the drop off/dinner hour combo.  So, naptime was the one to be sacrificed and I live on hope for the rest of the day with 2 very cranky and tired toddlers.

Target was a nightmare.  Little Sun was perfect perched in the shopping cart seat, but the 2 loose heathens just couldn’t help themselves from annoying the crap out of each other which in turned annoyed the hell out of me.  I swear I don’t understand the appeal of annoying another person.  Wait, yes I do, because I love annoying SoHubby most of the time, but I don’t have a much taller, angrier person screaming at me to JUST STOP IT, ALREADY!!!  I am sure that would affect my wanton desire to lick my finger and stick it in SoHubby’s ear.  The biggest annoyance tactic is when I ask, no one in particular but mostly to Sam, to please push the button, turn off the TV or any other mundane task and Amber feels the need to run ahead of him and perform the tasks.  Tasks that would only bring joy to a toddler in his quest to prove his independence or his older sister that has proven her evil by loving to taking his only life’s joy away from him.  I know I should emphasize SAM when asking for something to be done, but what do you want from me.  As my belly grows my brain shrinks.  I swear I couldn’t count out .36 cents at the Target snack counter, today, so I just handed the woman a bunch of change and hoped she was honest.  My rule seminar and bribery of popcorn and Icees did nothing to sway the kids from acting like they had totally lost their minds.  It is against the law to lean the kids in the car with a movie and shop in peace, riiiiiight?  I mean I would lock the door and leave some food and water in there with them.  Damn responsibility and doing the right thing!

The grocery store would prove to be less of a lesson in torture and more of a dream that I never wanted to wake from.  Against my better judgement, which proves I should do the opposite of my better judgement, I asked the kids if they wanted the car cart.  You know those carts that feel like you are pushing a semi-truck through the narrow aisles of the grocery store.  Surprisingly, the weight of both kids made the cart much easier to maneuver and Amber and Sam were able to sit next to each other with tormenting, torturing, or killing each other.  Maybe the threat of knocking skulls really worked or they expended all their energy torturing each other and me at Target.  Sun was in heaven with the extra room of the double cart seat and snacks.  I am not totally out of it, I did remember the snacks.  I was able to find everything I needed and wanted and actually could look at what I was buying, instead of just throwing and hoping that  it was what I needed.  There was only one mental fart that I would discover once we got home.  It hadn’t occurred to me that since Sun had sipped on her entire sippy cup of water the entire time we were out that she might have needed a diaper change.  Not sure why this didn’t occur to me, but I made the same mistake earlier this week with Sam.  I discovered my mistake the same way in both situations, picking said child up and feeling the nasty wetness that is diaper leakage.  At least, it was only pee.  I felt bad that I had made her endure a 4 hour trip in an incredibly wet diaper, but I think if it really bothered her then she would have spoken up or, at the very least, screamed at me in that cute earsplitting way that only a toddler can.

Of course, missing naptime had caused the 2 younger kids to fall asleep in their carseats with their lunches hanging from their mouths.  I guess this mental drain, I got going on, caused me to believed that I would be relaxing on the sofa with a lap perched laptop for a couple of hours while those little angels dreamed of whatever it is little kids dream of.  Well, I missed the phenomenon that is a toddler nap of 15 minutes in a car is like a 2 hour nap in their comfy beds at home.  So here I sit listening to a chorus of screams, just hoping that they fall asleep so we are not tormented by their tired antics later tonight.  I would love to reason with the both of them and tell them how much they need a nap and that one day their only quest will be to nap meaning they should take advantage of them, NOW, but that would be like talking to a brick wall so I think I will just bang my head on one instead.  And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as there was some quiet the doorbell rings and the dog barks.  Next on my list of to do things today, KILL THE UPS MAN!!!

I realize that this is not a true trial run, because I will have to do this with a newborn and that brings on all sorts of new dynamics.  One being the need to nurse every 5 minutes and needing to explode a diaper the minute you enter anyplace outside of your house.  I fear my shopping trips are going to take all week and have nothing to show for it.  At least, I was able to practice getting 3 kids out of the car, configure them in a cart, not losing any of them and not leaving them in the toy aisle as I sneak off to find the alcohol.   Why do I have this sense that I am soon to be largely outnumbered crying in the middle of Target asking passer-bys to put me out of my mercy?  QUICK,  because I can hear the pitter-patter of little feet.  Only time will tell.