Sadistic Bitch

I thought just buying the DVD would be enough.  It should sit in my DVD rack and the pounds would melt away and the muscles would ripple.  I may decide to do a couple of the routines from time to time, you know, when I am bored.  It would only help me to become tone and fit quicker than just sitting there.

But oh no, you have to do it, like regularly.  And it is going to hurt.  You are going to scream.  You are going to wish the woman on the screen a very painful death that will get more creative as you go.  You may even scream that she hates you and all that rainbow filled support she keeps throwing is just a front.  You hear the subliminal messages she throws at you from the screen.   The one where she tells you that you are a loser because you can’t roll up to touch your toes without the use of your hands.  Or maybe the one where she tells you that you will always be flabby and that not investing in an artificial uterus to birth your children was a big mistake.  Or the one where she screams at you that your excuse of eating for 2 was ALL YOUR FAULT.  Then you will fall in a heap on the floor and cry how you can’t go on and you won’t go on, because a slim stomach isn’t worth.  You will pump your fist and swear that you don’t mind buying the next size up in pants.  A kid may wonder over to make waves on your stomach and you press on, cursing and wishing you were dead. 

Then you realize as you lay on the floor, unable to move from the PAIN, that she is a skinny sadistic bitch that probably hates everyone, because she hasn’t eaten in 15 years.  Then your husband will walk in needing to tell you something so important…and look,  I am so sorry we are all out of time.

Pilates at home, if it hurts then you know it is working or you are dying.  It is a toss up, really.