The first thing George said to me as soon as he came home:
“You know Anderson Cooper is gay?”
Hey, don’t go crushing my fantasy. You tell yourself whatever you need to, to get you through the night.
“Lalalalalalalala! At least, I am keeping up with current events while staring dreamily into that tight black t-shirt.”
*************
A conversation in the wee hours of the morning in the bathroom:
A woman like screams comes from the bathroom as he opened the toilet lid to let loose that ever important morning pee.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What did you do; stuff the cat into the toilet?”
“What are you talking about?”
I forgot that I cleaned my hairbrushes into the toilet just a few moments ago.
Moving on to the next subject of the day:
“You need to take those towels down, because the cat peed on them, last night. You know when you locked her in our room with no way out? How many times, have I told you not to shut the cat in our room?”
The husband standing in his boxers looking at me wondering why he ever asked that all important question 8 years ago. Takes a big whiff of air and chokes on the smell that is ALL HIS FAULT.
“GOOD LORD, that is funky!” as he dances around spraying Oust into the air.
Choking from the ozone killing fumes the husband just released into the air, I ask, “Don’t you think that is over kill?”
Then he dances around and chants as he lights a match in the very important smell killing ritual. I think the spirit of little kitty pee-pee has left our bathroom. The chanting in your boxers helps.
“I hope I don’t start a bush fire” as he throws the match into the toilet.
*************
Husband to English translations:
“If you need anything from Target or the grocery store you better tell me, now.”
“I think maybe you should pick up some breakfast bars for yourself.”
Translation: Your ass needs a break from all that Burger King you have been eating in the name of not having anytime in the morning for breakfast.
Hey, I am just getting my daily FDA recommended intake of Coke Icee. Point taken and breakfast bars are safely stored in the pantry in hopes that my ass will still be able to fit out of the house each and every morning. I even tried a LUNA bar this morning. My head hurts from the chewing of the graveling cardboard, but the bloat is gone from running to the toilet from a dose of fiber my body is not use to. I think I feel about 5 lbs lighter. Evidentally, they are using the word, brownie, loosely.
*************
All this is brought to you by my brain, who decided it was time for a vacation right when I need it the most.
Embellishments are one thing, but this is straight out fiction. Where did you come up with this stuff?
Some parts were true (like the scary hairy bush in the toilet that almost became a bushfire), but you totally pulled it out of the air (or some other place) with your imaginary conversation about picking up something for breakfast.
I guess you need something to write about for your NoBloMe month. I will do my best to give you material to work with. Then you can take it and make up your own stories.
(Sure will be glad when we find that missing brain)
NoBloMe? I thought it was ****** month. My bad.
Heh, they never remember the conversations that get them in trouble do they?
Cats getting trapped in any room sucks.. but they do catch mice… so sometimes they are worth it.
LOL! The bush fire in the toilet just cracked me up!! Hubby always says he has pulled out a small animal when he cleans the drain in the tub.