Wednesdays are now Batshit Crazy Day

I really don’t know what happens between the time I pick up Sun in the morning and the time I pick up Amber from school.  It is roughly 6 hours and I think it gives all the kids enough time to plan my demise.  I believe that they like it when I take my crazy out and shake it all about.  And that is exactly what I did this afternoon when picking up Amber from school.

I round the final leg of carpool hell and see Amber all smiles, but missing her jacket that went along with her outfit.  Nothing to worry about, yet, it could be in her backpack or left in her classroom.  That is fine either way.  However, I am informed by my little drama queen, who had been sent to the office because she was chased down and attacked by a swarm of bees, that in the chaos of her attack she left her jacket on the playground.  Did you hear that, ON THE PLAYGROUND.  I am out of the fence by now and in awe that someone who had a piece of clothing on them this morning could just leave it anywhere within the course of the day.  When I did come down to my senses I realize that Amber just believes that I go out to my money garden, harvest the crop and buy her anything her little heart desires.  Sure, everyone has a money garden, don’t they?  Next up on the lesson agenda: teaching Amber that, yes, indeed money does not grow on trees and why mothers cry when they say this, because they have become their own mothers.  Let me pause while I weep.

So I pull back into the school, park and drag all the kids out of the car.  Let’s remember the head count: a 20 month old who believes that he is invinicible, an infant along for the ride on this crazy train that is our lives and a very weepy 5 year old who realize that, OH SHIT, don’t ever, EVER lose anything that mom paid money for that could have been spent on her elixir (the elusive Coke Icee).  That’s right folks, I got out of   my car bitching the whole time.  I mean explaining that Amber has made it very difficult for me to continue with our day as planned, because of this little incident.  And you must know that we had the worst kind of rain, today, too, so the jacket is sure to be at it’s funkiest.  We walk through the maze of kids and I start to realize that I am on a 25 mile hike.  Where the hell do these kids go for recess?  Utah?  We are walking and walking.  Sun is not happy with the wind in her face and being dragged on this jacket hunt.  Sam is fighting all the way, because HOW DARE I hold his hand and not let him slush around in the muddy goodness that the rain left just for him.  Finally, we stop and, while in my full view, I tell Amber to run and get her jacket.  My biggest question is how did no one see the jacket laying on the table and pick it up?  Oh yeah, they are too busy avoiding my phone calls or calling me when my child gets bit by an ant to worry about some kid’s stupid ole jacket.  We make it back to the car with the soaking wet rag that was Amber’s jacket and pile all in.  But wait, a teacher, in charge of carpool, dared to cross my path and remind me to mind the cars.  Oh you mean those big boxes that are moving can hurt me and my children?  DUR?  She is lucky I was admist a mass of kids or I would have torn her a new one for kickies.

We settle into our ride home with a few screams here and there, because I DARE go below the regulated speed of 50 MPH that is required for the comfort of all my passengers under 3 ft tall.  I am cooling off from JACKET GATE 2007 when 4 unmarked police cars speed up behind us with lights and sirens going.  I am not sure what the problem could be, but I am thinking a huge drug bust is going down in the lovely neighborhood that surrounds us.  I could be over reacting and it could have been just a drive by.  Then Sam decides this will be a perfect time to try out his Houdini act.  He frees one arm from his carseat strap and starts screaming, because it hurts him.  Well, do as your told and no one gets hurt. 

The crazy has turned into rush as we have gotten home, but if you were to walk into my house right now you would think it was Bellevue and the inmates are running the asylum. The people in charge have given up.  Sam has one shoe on and one shoe off and smells of shit, so the shit saga continues.  Sun is holding court in Sam’s crib with the Teddy Bear in the Superman pajamas, the naked Dog and ELMO.  I allowed Amber to give herself a bath, so I could write this post, and I am sure someone at dance class will ask, What is that smell?”.  Now, I must go break up the fight over the chocolate Teddy Grahams, figure out what is wrong with our littlest guest and figure out if Sam’s diaper is truly bad enough for me to change yet another shit filled diaper, again, today.

I am telling you the next time someone ask me what day it is and it is Wednesday, I will answer BATSHIT CRAZY DAY, then ask my imaginery friends to move it along we have to pick up the kids.

Special note to NOLA:  This in no way means that I can’t or won’t take care of Sun.  It just means that when you get more than one kid in a room they get together and plan your crazy demise.