Failure is Not an Option.

I have many people in my life that know what they want to do and are doing it.  When I met my husband he was knee deep into his own business, really 2 businesses and I was still in college.  It took me 6 years to get through college and at the end I still didn’t know what I wanted to do or be.  When this question was asked of me while I was in high school, I would say Lawyer.  That is what I wanted to be.  I dreamed of arguing cases in front of juries and judges and didn’t care about the money.  Then I got into college, saw my friend go through law school and thought I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this.  I am not great at school and knowing that there was a big chance of spending money and failing at law school was too much.  I was satisfied with my bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts (major in History, minor in English).

My relationship progressed with George and I endured my job as an Assisant Manager in retail.  Until that job became a beating.  It was a huge beating.  I discussed it with George, because at that time we had moved to the next level of marriage and I needed some guidance.  I have always seen George as a man who can get things done and is not stopped by fear of failure.  He asked me if money was no object what would I do?  The answer:  I have no idea.  I couldn’t come up with anything that I would want to do.  This is scary, not to know what you want to do with your life.  Was I to just float through life, hoping and praying that I wouldn’t end up in a cardbox some where?   

Then I realized the secret that I had carried around with me and never admitted.  When I worked in the mall, I would watch the mothers pushing their babies in their strollers and thought that is the life.  Sure at some point I imagined these women had lives of leisure only stepping out into the mall to spend their husband’s hard earned money, but then I thought about it a little more.  I thought it would be great to spend days with your kids and help in their classrooms and explore the world with them.  It was an ideal I held onto until I had a baby of my own.  Then reality stood up, smacked me in the face and walked away.  That is right, not until I had my own children did I realize what it meant to actually have kids. It isn’t all wine playgroups and yummy mummies.  It is real, tiring, 24/7 work. 

As I moved on through life with kids and a self-made husband, I realized the things I do, on my own terms, that if I was left to make myself do  in the workforce I would just let it pile up and ignore it until it went away.  I am a finiancer, manger of all areas, shipping and receiving, problem solver, MEDIC, dictator, negotiater, moral compass and woman with all the answers.  There have been many studies trying to put a value onto motherhood, but how can you really pigeonhole exactly what a mother does?  The job changes from day to day, minute to minute, crisis to crisis.  I have learned that although people could be brought in to do my jobs, I can not be replaced.  This is true for all mothers. 

Now there is a new question on my plate, What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?  Hmmm, don’t know.  I don’t think it is failure that keeps me from doing things, it is my sense of not wanting to deal with people and their hang-ups.  I quit my retail job, because of the drama that was starting to play out and, frankly, I would rather you give it to me straight then driving around the block 5 times and then smacking me with a shovel just before leaving.  At least, I know what is on your mind and not left wondering was it something I said?

I believe that is why many mothers and regular folks blog.  It is an outlet for us to speak our minds and where we have control.  I was asked by my husband’s aunt why don’t I write as a job?  Well, there are many reasons: One being that I don’t think I have anything special to offer.  I am simply speaking what is on my mind and you can take it or leave it.  I read many blogs and trust me there are much better writers out there than me that deserve to be paid.  Here, I can write about anything I want.  Sure, I don’t like it when my stats are on the low side, but will that stop me?  Probably not, because this is my world and I am complete ruler. 

I think the question posed by my dear friend is an unfair one.  Why would you attempt something if you knew you would succeed?  You should attempt everything and not worry about the outcome.  Without failure no true greatness can come.  Meaning, I am glad to have the job of support and woman behind the man.  It is where I am best suited and no matter what anyone says, I am not selling myself short.  Behind closed door I am influencing world change, it just isn’t as glamorous as one would hope.