How dare she speak the truth!

Last night, hubby comes down and hands me this book.

“Do you read these books before you buy them?”

This a valid question seeing that I bought this book , because I liked the Tar Baby story. Why not buy the whole collection? I thought it would be a nice change from the stories Amber requires us to read over and over again. (Hello, Dora you whore. If you cant take the show, then reading it will make you want to jump off the nearest bridge where you will have to count the wood slates and replace them first. All in Spanish.) It would be a nice history lesson. However, George was not happy with the story about the MAN shooting Mr. Lion in the head and making a big ‘ol hole. I saw his point and put the book away for when Amber is older and we can discuss the historical signifcance of the stories. Or she can just use it to freak out her politicial correct teachers. Does anyone remember Disney’s Song of the South? I think it has it’s own vault buried under the Magic Kingdom, which is set to explode if anyone dare open it. I hear that if you ask about it, a Disney employee will take you out back and Goofy will beat you about the head and shoulders until you cant remember your own name.

To answer the husband’s question, yes I do read the books before I buy them for the kids. This book however was in a box of books that his mother (God rest us soul) got Amber one Christmas. Along with this book there were Peanuts, Paddington Bear, Raggedy Ann (A book I would like to see go missing real soon. It gives me nightmares, people.) and an assortment of holiday books.

“Read the book and then I will tell you what your daughter said afterwards.”

Okay, so I read the book. Alex was having the worst day a kid could have. There was no toy in his cereal box, his mom got mad at him, his dad asked them not to pick them up from work anymore and his friends decided that they didnt want to be his friend. Man, after a day like that most adults would be reaching for the liquior.

“Okay, I am done. What did Amber say?”

I prepared myself for the “Shit!” remark that I heard earlier when Amber bumped her head at the McDonald’s. Or she could pick up my love of Joy and say, “Double Snap!”. Or maybe she cried and screamed that is her reality everyday at pre-school and while clutching onto her Daddy for dear life screams, “Dont make me go back there, again!”. Or maybe she decided that this life was too much for her to handle and she would hide under the covers all day, everyday. I braced myself and waited for the worst. I mean she is her father’s daughter and her father is known to be a bit of a Drama King.

“She said that IT WAS A HORRIBLE DAY.”

How deflated I was. That is it? Nothing more. It says it right there in the title, it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. What did he expect? It seems that even though Alex had the worst day EVAH! it didnt scar Amber one bit. Insensitive little snot, she is. Maybe she is her mother’s daughter, who thought, “Damn, better him than me”. She went fast asleep to dreams of streams made of juice, candy flowers and dancing unicorns. And she woke up today to face yet another day at school. Her only complaint is that she didnt get to lay in our bed longer.

I think my husband needs to prepare himself for the years to come. Amber is a girl. Man and woman a like know what the female of the species is capable of, especially in the teen years. (“Girls just torture one another until they develop an eating disorder”, Elaine from Seinfeld.) There will be drama everyday and she will claim to not want to live on this earth anymore. I wonder if I should start George on a morphine drip, now, to prepare him for the drama to come? He will most definitely need to be sedated.