My Civic Duty. (hee hee, Dooty)

I understand it is hard to get people to show up to jury duty. I guess if you showed up once then there is a good chance you will do it again. Normally, I don’t mind serving on a jury. I did once want to be a lawyer (I was tired after 5 long years at college, beside I snagged me a man so what was the point?) and do love all the legal based shows on TV, but twice within a year is more than one person can take.

Out of the 4 times I have been called, I have only served once. And once was enough. I was picked and served on a jury for a drug deal gone bad. I got to see lovely pictures of some dead guy. I got the lovely experience learning that this doesn’t shock everyone. And out of the other of the 11 people that served with me, I was the only one that had never seen a dead body before. This made me scared of the other jurors. The best part was that the rest of the jurors were sympathetic to the guy on trial. I mean come on this was his only offense and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Let’s just say it was an eye-opening experience. I am thoroughly convinced that we should not let the general public decide these matters.

The other 2 times I could not serve because there was the question of my children. Amber was just over a year. I didn’t realize that this was a good excuse, so I packed her up for the day and headed into the jury poole room. The lady behind the counter greeted me with, “Ah no, you cant bring her in here.”. All you have to do is this…. Unfortunately, I have forgotten what she told me. I left that room to almost a standing ovation to my sheer genius of bringing my child to get out of jury duty. Little did they know that it wasn’t genius, but stupidity on my part.

I got a lovely grand jury summons only 3 weeks after giving birth to Sam (and if you are counting he will be a year old on February 2nd). However, they were smart enough to send a form to fill out where I could write why I couldn’t attend. I mean I could have dragged my lovely post partum, C-section ass in there with a crying, constant boob sucking, Creole mustard squirting baby in there with me, but I don’t think I would have made the best juror. I mean I couldn’t tell what was going on in my house during that time. Not to mention my mood, I would have yelled, “Hang ‘em” and asked to watch. So yeah, that wasn’t the best time for me.

I was thinking of sending a letter like this explaining why I cant attend jury duty, this time:

Dear Justice system,

I would love to attend your little jury party, but it seems I am unavailable at this time. I would love to get away from my kids for a day and sit in your lovely jury room to wait to be judge if I am smart (or dumb) enough to be chosen by the many Louisiana lawyers that grace your court everyday. It would be nice to stare at the same wall day after day or maybe I could read a book, if I could actually remember to bring one. I would probably end up with a diaper that I mistaken for a book and after about an hour those things just don’t hold your interest.

It would be nice to hear all the lovely things your defendant had been up to since the last time he graced the court house. I rarely get to listen to the under belly of life that lives only steps away from my house. I would love to get together with the other jurors and discuss the reasons this poor person should be allowed to leave your gracious accommodations. And not to mention the great free food that you so thoughtfully provide. My mouth waters at the thought of a dry po-boy on the hardest bread I have ever encountered.

I am sorry that I have these children to watch all day. It is hard work and unfortunately my husband has declared that he must work to provide us with food. I guess I could leave my youngest in his highchair with his automated baby feeder all day, but I fear that you will find it in your power to remove him from my care and I would be on the other end of the jury box. I don’t think that would serve any of us, well.

I would be more than happy to attend one of your little jury parties a little further down the road. Maybe 4-5 yrs. I know you are really desperate for attendees. My I suggest that you throw in a little better food and entertainment to draw in more jurors. I know it is hard with what you have to work with, but I have full faith that you will get the response you deserve.

Regretfully yours,

Wendy

Or maybe I will just check the box marked: Cannot read, speak English.