From SAHM to WOHM

This is a HUGE change for me and the entire family.  I will start a full time, 9-5 in an office, job on Monday.  I am excited, terrified and worried all at once.

There have been some MAJOR changes in the Southern household lately.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past 2.5 months and I am ready to settle into a new routine.  I am not entirely happy to be leaving my SAHM post, but am ready for a new adventure.  I think I have found a good office and, hopefully, will learn a lot from my new co-workers.

A BIG concern was who will take care of Evie while I am working.  It just so happens that SoHubby will be with her for the mornings, then she will have MawMaw three times a week and her favorite Special Instructor twice a week.  It is such a load off my mind to know that she will be with familiar faces.  Evie is so excited to go to her SI’s house, which has taken some of the worry off of me.  And when she is with MawMaw she will be at our house, which should ease the transition from having mom all day to seeing mom only in the mornings and afternoons.  It will be hard on me.  I will miss her terribly.  It doesn’t help that she has asked me several times, with that little face, “You go to work, mommy?”.  I think I will feel better once she starts school in the fall.

I am wondering how I will feel about this other side of the debate.  My whole identity has been wrapped up in being a SAHM.  What will my identity be, now?  My belief system is changing.  Many things that I have held to be truths for the last 12 years has been shattered in a matter of months.  Like my house needing to be cleaned everyday…gone.  There is no time for that and I have learned that the world didn’t stop and the house is not a complete disaster.  I have, also, learned that I don’t have to do everything.  The kids can help.  SoHubby can help.  And most importantly, if these little things don’t get done, the world doesn’t end and we all won’t die.  I am such a routine person, that any small change to that routine is hard for me.  Grocery shopping will be done whenever and probably with all 3 kids in tow.  It will be rushed and not like a precise mission as before.  Relying on SoHubby to do appointments, shuttling kids and sharing household duties means letting go of how I want things done to allowing for him to do things his way.  BIG changes.

It, also, means learning to deal with stress and unexpected changes better.  My new motto is it will all work out.  Why?  Because it has to.  There is no room for stress filled tirades.  Somethings will just have to wait for another time or have to be  let go of altogether.  It is a hard road to change your entire identity that you have become accustomed to for over a decade.  I will say that I am happy that I have had the younger years at home with my kids.  I think it was better for them and better for me.  That is not a statement on anyone else; just a statement on our family.  SoHubby says that the universe is unfolding the way it should.  I say I wish I would have had a heads up, but I  am living and learning.  I have rediscovered how great our friends are, reconnected to family and shown me that life doesn’t have to go the way you plan for it to be good.

There is a Tween in the House.

Amber became 10 years old on June 16 of this year.  There was a party, cake and presents, but no notification that there would be a tween in the house and all that comes along with that.  To say we were not ready for this stage in her childhood is an understatement.  I have learned that as a parent that I am constantly learning along with my children.  Also, that I have to go through some growing pains, too.  The first time around sucked and this time around I have been able to recognize the suck and do my best to turn the suck around.

Amber has always had drama around her, but add tween moodiness, selfishness, and only wanting to do only the fun stuff in life you have an explosive combination.  At first we didn’t really know what was going on.  SoHubby and I would whisper, “Could it be…?”.  ”NO, it couldn’t be!”  Oh but it was.  We have entered into the first stage of puberty and we have been knocked on our asses.  The moodiness we have been use to for awhile.  The same could be said for the drama.  I have learned to listen, roll my eyes out of eyesight and simply mention that maybe she shouldn’t worry so much about it, because, surely, it will be different by tomorrow.  We didn’t know that the moodiness and drama would be upped.  Another problem, that our parents didn’t face, was the drama gets to continue on through constant communication in today’s technological world. I gave Amber my old cell phone, which might have been a slight mistake on my part.  There was no phone service, but she could still connect to WiFi.  My second mistake was mentioning a free text and phone app.  If I could go back in time and smack myself, I would.  We fought the good fight against her sneaking the phone into her room at bedtime.  What we didn’t expect was her first middle school dance.  I don’t know how much I want to get into it on the big ole Internet, but my hints are boy+friends+texting=total chaos and devastation.  That died down and we went back to regular old girl drama.  Recently, that old phone has decided to not come back on, so, at this point, we will just deal with the withdrawals of not being able to text.  I better find a nice strong belt for her to bite down on.

It is hard being the oldest and being the first to do everything.  Amber was in dance, gymnastics and cheer first, which meant that her brother and sister were use to waiting around for her.  Then Amber got a taste of the waiting game and it has not been fun…for me.  Amber, now, waits for her brother while he is in TaeKwonDo and her sister while she is in dance.  Amber has dropped dance and gymnastics to focus on cheer and has learned that she simply can’t do everything due to time and money.  Oh the time and money lesson is a hard one for just about anyone to learn, much less a 10 year old. During the summer was worse, because there was no homework to keep her occupied during her wait times.  It is not easy, now, but, at least, I have a good answer to the question, “What can I do?”  I still have to “remind” her that she is not allowed to play basketball while Sam is in TKD.  I am hoping that the big guys that normally play basketball while the TKD class goes on will one day step on her and teach her a lesson.  There was much explanation of how her brother and sister have ALWAYS had to wait for her and she could show a little more patience while waiting for them, but that was met with a “how dare you ask me to consider anyone else” look and a huff finished with an arm folded.  Selfishness has just appeared and brought along back up.

I am happy to say that Amber likes school and does well.  However, the business of school escapes her.  She is a 5th grader, now, and that comes with a lot of responsibility, at least, in Amber’s mind.  She has always had to turn in lunch money, signed papers, etc, but, now, there is no teacher collecting folders and pulling it out for her.  Mom isn’t putting it into the folders and then in her bookbag.  Apparently, this is all too much for her.  And it seems this stuff falls onto me, still.  Hopefully, by college I won’t have to remind her to take her lunch money and not to buy extras.  And she will know what the extras are. I, recently, got a bill from the school for Amber’s lunch account.  It said she only had $5.45 left.  The problem with that is that I just sent in a $25 check (I have to stop for a minute and stress NEVER SEND IN CASH!  I know checks are from the dark ages, but if they are lost you can write a new one.  Once cash is lost, it is gone forever.  And kids will always lose cash.  I have heard many stories of Amber’s friends losing their lunch money, and we are not talking $2.  Many parents like to pay a month or year in advance instead of trying to come up with $2 everyday in the rush of the morning)on October 16.  There was no possible way she could have eaten that much in 4 days.  Okay, there is a way she could have eaten that much, but she swore she “NEVER”  gets extras.  So I put on my investigator hat, which luckily sits right next to my chauffeur hat, and went to work.  I talked to the head lunch lady, who had proof that not only did Amber NOT turn in her lunch money, but she does INDEED get extras.  It was all there on the computer screen.  I guess the rumor that the lunch ladies are stealing the kids lunch money and having a huge party with all the food that they have to cook and serve has been forever been proven wrong!  I climbed 3 flights of stairs, with a 30 lb toddler on my hip, to talk to Amber.  Oh the shock on her face when I informed her that 1. she didn’t turn in the check and 2 that she had been getting extras.  ”Oh you mean, the juice, gogurt, extra fries cost more,”  Amber asked.  All I could I do was sigh and do a quick once over of her folder.  Since Amber was rushing off to choir, I resigned to tearing apart her book bag and folders later this evening when she got home.  If I were to venture a guess, I will say that the check will either be found snuggled safely in her folder or scrunched down at the bottom of her bookbag.

I think back to when Amber was a baby and how I thought that was difficult.  Now, I fear the unknown of teenagerhood.  Toddler, pshaw!, I can handle a toddler.  Matter of fact, I do all day and it is a piece of cake.  Evie won’t potty trained, but that can be contained in a Pull Up.  There is no containing all that comes with tweens and then teenagers.  I am scared and pray that I make it through.  I figure by the time I have to deal with it with Evie, I will either have learned a lot or am just tired and have given up.  It seems to be the trend with parents, who have multiple children.

This Ain’t Your Mama’s Hurricane

When I was a kid we didn’t evacuate for hurricanes and, definitely, not for tropical storms.  Actually, we were happy for the breeze and rain.  Sure we had power outages, but I don’t remember them being that bad.

My first memory of any kind of evacuation was during Hurricane Andrew in the early 90′s.  I was working at a downtown hotel and they offered us rooms to ride out the storm.  I scoffed.  Why would I want to be easily accessible for the hotel to get more work out of me?  Young and dumb.  We lost power for a couple of hours after the storm.   The sun was out.  I took a nap and by the time I woke up the power was back.  The second and first actual mass exodus from NOLA was Hurricane Georges.  I had stayed with my mom and sick grandma.  We lost power before the storm and didn’t get it back until 3/4 days later.  There was no generator.  Nothing but total darkness at night and heat during the day.

My kids idea of a hurricane will be extremely different than mine.  We have evacuated for several hurricanes since 1998.  Mostly notably, Hurricane Katrina.  Our first experience with a generator would be Gustav.  To be honest the worst part of that was the mess in the house and living only downstairs.  It was not fun, but it wasn’t the worst.  What made it bearable?  The generator and window unit.  We have since “misplaced” the window unit, so we are dealing with the heat.

People, those who don’t live in these hurricane prone areas, tend to believe it is just easy to pick up, leave and then come back.  If you think sitting in hours long traffic, finding a hotel along with thousands of other people and not knowing what is going on at your house, then have at it.  For most it is a difficult decision to leave.  I am torn.  I am glad we stayed, because I was able to keep up with the driving rain that was coming in under our back doors.  I regret staying, because we are still without power and estimated time of restoration is 5-7 days away.  The main issue is financial.  We could deplete our savings and evacuate and then what happens for the next hurricane.  It is easy to say have an emergency fund.  It is hard when there could be back to back storms, so we take each one based on the information given at the time.  The NHC didn’t know what Isaac was going to do, so how do others out there know for sure what we should  have done.  People made decisions based on what happened to them during Katrina, Gustav, Ivan, etc.  We have evacuated before only to find that not a drop of rain fell.  We made the decision last minute to evacuate for Katrina, because of the information at the time.  You can make the claim that we have so much technology and you have more than enough warning to make a decision on whether to leave or stay, but nothing is perfect and many storms have proven that.  Everyone has to make the decision on their own.  I don’t think we should place blame, but show kindness and a bit of understanding.

The kids have it great compared to my experiences, as a child, without power. We have a generator, which means we can run fans, watch DVDs, charge our phones; laptops; tablet; game systems and have a light to safely guide us to the bathroom.  While we are miserable with the heat and can’t wait to have our power fully restored, it is not as bad as in years past.  Of course, the kids don’t fully understand.  Sam kept asking me why can’t do this or that. And it had to be explained over and over, again, that we didn’t have power to the house.  They don’t understand why I tell them to take a bath or not to use blankets while sleeping.  It is all in an effort to keep them cool and comfortable.

In the end, once our power is restored we will go back to our normal lives.  There will be challenges for awhile, like gas and grocery lines, longer days off of school and no parties on Labor Day.  In the grand scheme of things, it is a small price to pay compared to the price of life that some paid.  I know that the judgments are coming for these people.  I understand their dilemma and their decisions made based on previous experience, like no flooding during Katrina.  This time it was different, like the other times will be different.  Some never lost power, but that doesn’t mean they are saved from never losing power during a storm.  Some will have power restored later than others when they had their power restored earlier than most in previous storms.  We are not naive.  We know where we live and the consequences that come along with that.  There are consequences to everything in life, for some to say dumb things like they have all the answers shows their ignorance.  All I can tell those people is that if you tell me to just move from NOLA, then you don’t know what it means to miss New Orleans and you never will, because it is not simply a town.  It is a way of life and we have chosen to take the consequences because the benefits of our culture are worth it.

And for the record, I will continue to bitch until I have power restored and my a/c back.  If you tell me not to bitch, I might just tell you to shove it.  Understand that might be the heat talking or the fact that I don’t want to hear from you, because you probably have a/c.

It is Only the First Week

The kids have gone to school for a full week, now, and the drama has already begun.

Amber is now in middle school.  This brings all kinds of new and exciting adventures, one being the locker.  Oh the excitement there was at getting a locker.  Along with the school supplies there was a whole collection of things you can get to decorate your locker.  This is where I found Amber with her eyes wide open and her mouth drooling.  What would she get?  Where would she put it?  How would these items make her locker an expression of her very being?  I sighed.  Why should I spend good money on items to make her locker look better than our house?  No problem for Amber.  My idea of giving the kids an allowance to teach them about money had backfired on me, because it gave Amber power.  She had power to buy any trinkets her heart desired to make her locker the next Taj Mahal.  Good thing her power is limited to $7.  We left Target.  Me $70 lighter in my wallet from actually school supplies, you know the things needed to help her learn, and Amber with her eyes all aglow and big at the anticipation of getting her locker at Book Day.

Then the drama.  ODD got into the car, one day, and rambled on about the injustice that is being pushed on her and “how life is not fair”.  After I slowed her down to the point where I could understand every other word, I got the story.  It appears that while the kids can decorate the inside of their lockers, they were not allowed to decorate the outside, EXCEPT for the members of the dance team.  WHAT?!  How can this be?  What Elitist regime is this where the dance team get the great privilege of decorating the outside of their lockers, but no one else?   I was assured at the end of this mini in training tangent that I need not worry my little head, because a teacher has taken up the cause and some day the rest of the kids will be able to decorate the outside of their lockers and become equal with the dance team.

Just as my blood pressure had return to normal, I was hit with another “situation” that needed to be remedied right away and the only one to remedy it was ME.  It seems that one of Amber’s locker neighbors has gone full out in the renovation process.  It was a total tear down and rebuild.  There was wallpaper, shelves, chandeliers, rugs and the finest art that one can get miniaturized.  It appears that Amber had moved into the upscale neighborhood, but her house was the last small house from the ’50′s that was never torn down to make way for the next McMansion.   I was informed that I would have to spend my days with locker designers to come up with the perfect space that expressed exactly who Amber is.  I have failed as a mother, because all I got her was a shelf, which is GENIUS, and a small pink basket that was meant for her extra pens and pencils, but instead became the holder for her hairbrush and lip balm.  Will life ever go on?

Sam has brought his own drama, but nothing that exhausts me to the point of girl drama.  Matter of fact, I was proud how well Sam took being scolded by a classmate’s father after Sam had called his son a name.  I have hopes of a drama break with Sam until Evie takes up residence in girl drama land.  I hope in my old age I will gain perspective, but I think I will just lose my ability to care.

What the Kids Learned this Summer

There is always the concern that while kids are on summer vacation that they will forget everything they learned this summer.  I was not going to let that happen to my little special snowflakes.  They were going to go back to school filled with new knowledge.  I will admit it has been a challenge to keep pushing through with teaching my gifted children this summer.  Sure they protested, but I had to press forward.  It is for their future, right.

Here is the knowledge that the kids will go back to school with this year:

Amber:

Spidergirl lives…in my house.  Future skill, cleaning those cobwebs that I can’t reach.

Evie:

Ah, the legacy of attitude lives on.  Future skill,  she can shake her neck and wave her finger the next time someone tries to cut in front of me at Walmart.

Sam:

 

War has been playing out in my living room for days.  Don’t worry the Disney Princesses have been on hand to take care of all injuries. Future skill, warfare, of course.  Although, I hope he eventually learns that tanks don’t fly and dinosaurs don’t usually take part in war.

Yes, it has been a knowledge filled summer, but it has come to an end.  The kids, minus Evie, will be off to school, soon, and I will learn what it is like to have a clean house for more than 5 minutes and what those people are saying on TV.

Future Olympian?

TaeKwonDo?

Maybe, gymnastics?

I guess we won’t stop the college fund just yet.

Cabbage Ball

What is cabbage ball, you ask?  Well it is a ball that is larger than a softball; about the size of a cabbage.

I signed Sam up for cabbage ball through his school, because it was cheap, in the evening, only an hour and would get us outside.  I would have signed up Amber, but it meant spending 3 hours outside and I am not up for that.  I do regret it, because the girl is itching to do sports.  She is learning how to throw a football, desperately wants to play cabbage ball and ask to play basketball with the big boys while Sam takes Tae Kwon Do.  I think a basketball hoop is in our near future.

It is surprising how well the kids take to cabbage ball.  Sure there are wanderers, the whole team running for the ball, throwing the ball in the wrong direction and not running to all the bases.  What can you expect from a bunch of 4,5 and 6 yr olds.  There is no score keeping and everyone wins.  I, also, think everyone gets a trophy at the end of the “season”.  Yeah, it is that kind of situation.  Meh, if I really wanted to teach Sam the art of knock down drag out competition there are many places to sign him up.  We have had our fair share of COMPETITION with cheerleading, so we are taking a breather.  Besides, Sam has already experienced his mom yelling, “TAKE THAT KID OUT!” and it is only our 3rd month in TKD.  So, I am not that worried that he will not know the feel of lost.  Matter of fact he felt it, yesterday, when he took a round house kick to the chest.

Getting the game plan for the game.  I believe it mostly consist of stay on your base, try not to run into each other and not everyone needs to run for the ball at once.

And here he is, guarding his post.

You mean I was suppose to stop that ball?

I am watching you!
Yeah, well I brought my daddy with me.
First baseman is a tough position.

We got a hit!

RUN!

RUN! FORREST! RUN!

That is where our pictures end, because it is freezie pop time.  Which, let’s face it, is the main reason we are all there.