Children Bill of Rights

While at dinner one night, my friend leaned over to Amber and whisper that at her house children had rights.  I am not sure what the goal was, because I assure you my friend would learn real quickly why I am at my wit’s end with my very talkative, drama queen, yet,  beautiful daughter.  However, not one to miss an opportunity to be out done I spoke up and informed my daughter, and friend, that we indeed have rights in this house.  Thus the Children Bill of Rights was born:

1. (and most important) You have the right to remain silent.
And we strongly suggest that you use it.

2. You have the right to do what I say, NOT what you think I said.
When you are a beginning human you are not ready to twist and turn things to your way.  Just do exactly as you are told and no one gets hurt.

3. You have the right to eat whatever is put in front of you.
There is no right to dessert.

4. You have a right to keep your opinions to yourself.
It is not that we don’t respect your opinion, it is just that…well…we are the adults and know more than you. SO THERE!

5. You don’t have a right to vote.
We may take into consideration your vote on certain subjects raised in the household, but overall until you pay your own mortgage and clean your own mess, your vote doesn’t have much weight.

6. You have a right to go to school.
Mainly, because it gives us a break.  At least until you start whining about homework, waking up early and, you know, going to school.  But the silence that resumes once you are in school makes us, adults, suddenly forget all that other stuff.

7. You have a right to go to bed without whining and complaint.
Again, pay your own mortgage and you can decide when you can go to bed.

8. You have a right to wear the clothes that I decide to buy for you.
Your opinion will be taken into account, but mom and dad have complete and utter veto power over all choices until, again, you pay your own mortgage. Do you see the running theme, here?

9. We may give you an allowance, but you don’t have a right to buy any damn fool thing you want.
When you are given money for pretty much being 8 yrs old you don’t have complete control over said money.  Besides, all these little pointy plastic things that you insist on bringing into my home and leaving all over the floor for me to step on in the middle of the night in my bare feet I get to veto power over what is brought into the house.

10. You have the right be happy with every decision that is handed down to you by your loving and caring parents.
You know until you can pay your own mortgage.

When the Children Bill of Rights was founded in the early times of having babies no one seem to find a Declaration of Independence.  Or maybe it somehow got lost in the sofa never to be seen again.  The truth may never be known.

Me + Baby + Movie Theater = NEVER AGAIN IN THIS LIFETIME!!

One thing you need to know about me, I love movies.  Not just movies at home, although I will take those in a pinch, but movies in the movie theater.  And not those movies “that you just have to see on the big screen”, but movies that I am actually interested in seeing.  Avatar, meh.  Hangover, HELL YA!  The raunchier, within the realm of the R rating, the better.  Once the kids got to an age where they could sit still for a full movie I was there.  And what better excuse to see the kids’ movies that I wanted in the theater without sunglasses and a wig.  I wouldn’t suggest the latter; you tend to draw suspicion.

I was brave when we took the kids to see The Princess and the Frog.  Evie was around 4 months…wait, no 5 months….wait, that can’t be right, oh hell I don’t remember.  She was somewhere around barely out of the infancy stage.  The point is I figured she would sleep or have a bottle or was she still on the boob at this point?  See how this third kid thing has messed with my memory.  I am sure when I am old (er) and gray (ier) and they ask when they did certain things it will have happen at the same time for all of them.  More efficient that way.  Anyway, I was right Evie slept and I was able to sit through the entire movie while judging those other parents with RUDE children making their noises, kicking the backs of seats and just generally being less perfect then my kids.  Oh how the smug has been slapped from my face.

I decided that this week the kids and I would see Despicable Me.  A cheery little story about an evil doctor, not to be confused with Dr. Evil, who adopts 3 little girls and….well, see the movie.  Everyone was excited.  So excited that any mention of NOT GOING to see the movie because of SOMEONE’s behavior sent the small ones into fits of crying and drama that rival their everyday performances.  I didn’t have to worry though, my perfect, sweet, cherubic face baby would not be the problem.  The little hellion known as Sam might cause some problems with his bladder the size of a pea, but not my third baby who learned to go with the flow.  She would just have a bottle and sleep.  Easy peasy, until you take into account, REALITY!

Everything was going well.  Evie sat on my lap smiling and babbling eating her baby popcorn (Cheerios) while we waited for the show to start.  I guarded the gallon sized Icee and barrel sized popcorn and reminded the other 2 THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO BE HAULING THEM UP AND DOWN THESE STAIRS FOR POTTY BREAKS!  Finally,  the movie starts.  I look over to grin at the kids, because HEY, THE MOVIE IS ABOUT TO START AREN’T YOU STUPIDLY EXCITED like your goofy mom, to discover that Sam has fallen asleep.  Oh no, buddy! I spent $32.  You are going to wake up and enjoy yourself, DAMMIT IT!  After a threat discussion of how we can just leave if he is going to sleep, because you can nap at home for free, we were back to enjoying the movie.  Then Evie started to squirm.  I readjusted.  She squirms again, getting just a little more pissed.  I bounce her.  Then the noise comes.  In my head I am saying, NO,NO,NO, I can’t be that PERSON.  NOT THAT PERSON. I quickly make her a bottle and we are back to perfect baby.  She even goes so far as to almost falling asleep.  This is perfect, I think, I am going to be able to sit back and enjoy the whole movie pinned under my 15 pound baby.  SUHWEET!!!  Then the rumblings of a baby that is convinced that whenever she sleeps we are throwing candy parties with ponies and rainbows begins.  Evie is not going to sleep no matter how tired she might be.

You might be thinking, “Hey, dumbass woman.  Why wouldn’t you just go to a showing that happened after the baby’s naptime?”  And I will respond with a thump to your forehead and tell you that when we are home Evie refuses second naps.  I tried to schedule my day so that she could take her morning nap and, at least, won’t be so tired that she started seeing unicorns dancing around.  But these little things called other children and Life got all up in my face and decided that Evie’s morning nap had to be cut short due the blood spewing from her older sister’s newly pierced ears, which called for a doctor’s appointment where the Dr. looked at her ears, gave me a script for some cream and sent us on our way.  Thanks, dude, we could have done that over the phone.  And then maybe you are wondering why not schedule the movie for another day.  Then I might tell you to mind your own damn business and get off my back.  My week fills up fast and this week got booked about 5 months ago without my knowledge.

The rest of the movie I spent bouncing Evie, changing her diaper, popping her binky in and out of her mouth, wondering if the binky would be “okay” if I stuck it back in her mouth after it fell she threw it behind my seat (a new little game she discovered), giving her another bottle, walking her up and down the outside aisle while wondering if some evil villain was ready to pounce on my other 2 kids, rinse, lather, repeat.  I gave up stuck the binky back in her mouth (Go ahead and give me crap for that. At this point, I was desperate and figured she was just like her brother.  The germs only make him stronger.)  Finally, the movie ends and we head for the hills, mainly because Sam hasn’t asked to go to the bathroom and I am sure he drank about 1/3 of a gallon sized Icee.  He was ready to burst and I just couldn’t deal with that at the moment.  Of course, you know how this story ends.  I barely put Evie in her carseat when the Sandman has taken her off to dreamland.  Yeah, Sandman needs to buy a freakin clue, already.  We drive home and I commence with hosing Evie down with Lysol.  Little buggar wouldn’t let me get in her mouth.  (And no, don’t be stupid, I didn’t hose her down with Lysol or spray her mouth.  I simply wanted to run a wet washcloth across her gums and gave her a bath.) I lay her in bed with the hopes that she sleeps until morning, because that is what I would do in her shoes.  At last, I feel that she will wake around 7/8pm, the other kids’ regular bedtime for the summer, and want to play when I have stuff that needs to be done.  So you can see why when there is even the slightest mention of a date night where I can eat a meal without a million people asking me questions, needing their noses or mouths wiped, and a movie where all I need to do is worry about my popcorn and drink and if the seat in front of me will be vacant, so I can have the full movie theater experience, my eyes roll back in my head and I start to shake like a junkie looking for her next fix.  Oh yeah, motherhood did this to me and one day I will get back at my kids, WHEN THEY HAVE KIDS OF THEIR OWN.  I am already plotting and planning my grandparent plan.  It will be nothing, but candy, soda, and high fructose corn sugar until those kids can propel themselves home where THEIR PARENTS CAN DEAL WITH THEM!  Everyone needs goals, right?

Changes

Oh GOD! how I hate changes.  I am a routine kind of gal.  I need to know what is going to happen when and how each day.  Throw a monkey wrench into that situation and I can cut you quicker than a cat  on a mouse.

I am not good at this “going through a rough time” thing.  I keep thinking if this was just squared away things would be much better, but the this never end.  There seems to always be another this waiting around the corner to take over the this we just took care of.   And my worse trait is I get angry at those that seem to have pulled out of their rough time, whether I know for sure they have or not.  I pout and think when is my turn to pull out of  the rough spot.

I even got angry at God, yesterday.  Oh yes, I looked up to the heavens, put my hands on my hips and said in a really pissed off tone, SERIOUSLY?  Because, SERIOUSLY, what is up with this shit.  And why should God be immuned to my attitude and tirades.  If anything he should consider himself lucky, because He can probably see them coming.  And what is any relationship without turning to the other person and saying, “Seriously, if you don’t stop I am going to poke you in the eye.”

What was the one more thing that just got piled onto this pile of shit that is growing higher and higher with each waking moment, the A/C in SIL’s house was broken, after we thought it was fixed, and leaking water everywhere.  Why is this our problem, because SIL is no longer here to have the problem.  She passed away on June 17.  I wonder if Amber will ever notice that bad things have started happening on or around her birthday in the last couple of years.  I was hoping it wasn’t a trend, but I am getting really scared.  Last year, a friend was murdered on her birthday.  It is just hard to be happy and sing when you know bad shit has gone down hours before.  Anyway, SIL seemed to fall ill rather suddenly and then pass.  Basically, she had the same kind of cancer that her mother and father had, but she fell much earlier than they did.  She was only 56 years old and no one, NO ONE, expected her to go this early.  The real fucked up thing about all this was that her life finally seemed to be where she wanted it to be.  She was doing something that she loved.  She had an entire community helping, laughing, and living with her and then BAMMED, like a blast to the head it is gone.

So needless to say this has not been the summer I have hoped.  It never is, really, so I don’t know why I keep hope alive.  I should smash it and get it over with.  It has been a summer filled with anxiety, stress, trips to the hospice, making sure nursing homes were treating her well and general suckiness.  It has been hard with the kids, because they have been asked to do and go places that children really shouldn’t go, but I think they have handled it all pretty well.  Amber spoke at SIL’s memorial and did a great job.  Sam asked questions, although sometimes inappropriate and did his best to understand as much as he could.  It really wasn’t that hard when he got plied with ice cream everytime we went to the hospice.  Now, we are dealing with our household and trying to figure out how to dismantle another one.  That is the hardest thing about death, LIFE.  Life continues on whether you are ready for it or not. There is no breather. No time to just grieve and settled for a moment until you continue on with the disposing and selling of people’s things.  The last couple of times I was at the house I could swear I could hear SIL scream at me that what I was about to throw away was really important.  But nope, she wasn’t, it was just me and George faced with what to keep and what to throw out.  To be honest we haven’t even made a dent.  There are many other things that seem to need to be done first.  OR maybe we would just rather the uncomfortable part of going through someone else things and being the final decision makers would go away.

I am in a state of unrest, because I feel our life is in the same state.  And the only reason I believe that is because I have no control.  Like that is any surprise to anyone.  Things run better when they run MY way, unforuantely, the man upstairs tends to do things His own way.  Although, people keep telling me that what is happening is part of the plan and that out of bad times come good ones.  The problem is that I want the good times, now.  I am done with the bad times.  I wish I was one of those people that could push all the crap aside and just smile through it, but I am not.  I am the worrier that plans for the worse.  And now, the worrier is losing hope that good times may ever come.  The light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting further and further away.  I guess it is good that I can still see the light, eh?

I know this all sounds dark, gloomy and call the hotline stuff, but really it is not.  It is just life and we are living in it’s world.  We will continue on doing one thing at a time and doing it to the best of our ability.  We will fall, get angry, say some not so nice words (maybe just me) and pout.  Only to get back up, relax a bit, apologize for the words (again, just me) and try to find the small goodness that life brings along with the mountain of shit.  One day we will look back on this time and wonder how we got through and be happy that we are out of it.  At least that is what SoHubby keeps telling me and I am holding him to his word.

Children, by Nature, are Disgusting.

I chuckle every time some one comments on how DISGUSTING cloth diapers are, like the baby has nothing to do with that or some how disposables magically make a small human shooting out crap less DISGUSTING.  I just assume that person doesn’t have children or their child has just enter the world and they are still in the “OOOOOh, she/he is sooooooooo perfect” phrase.  Yeah, well I am here to tell you that I have had 3 kids, used disposables on 2 of them and cloth on one of them, 2 are potty trained and they are all still very disgusting.

First case:  I will never forget it.  SoHubby and I were taking a leisurely stroll through Wal-Mart one day.  I am sure we needed something, but back in those days of just one child, who was still confined to a stroller, we were still able to leisurely walk up and down the aisles of a store just for the hell out of it.  There was Amber snug in her little carseat, which was tucked into the stroller, just cooing away looking all adorable.  I didn’t know at that moment what hell waited for me.

You never know when the Poo Massacre will strike.  You can feed them what you feed them everyday.  You can have a relaxing day or an eventful day.  They can be sick or healthy.  It doesn’t matter, these little beings have been given the ability to crap twice their body weight and size and projectile it in many directions.  The diaper is just there to give the parent a false sense of security.

I looked down at Amber, who was probably older than 6 months at the time, to see something gray peeking out from her legs.  Yes, people gray.  Once you have kids you will learn that crap not only comes in many shapes and sizes, but colors, too.  So I pick up her leg simply thinking that it was some dirt or other random item that needed to be brushed away.  Oh NO!  That small peek gave a preview of what Dante’s 8th circle of hell awaited me.  I rushed her to the bathroom, where she continued to coo and laugh her way through a crap induced anxiety attack.  I peel her out of the carseat to discover that I needed a fire hose to clean up this sea of crap that laid out in front of me.  I was armed with diapers and some wipes; totally unprepared for this particular craptastic emergency.  Just imagine BP gives you a square of toilet paper and tells you to go clean up that oil just beyond that beach.  Yeah, that is how it felt.

I managed to clean Amber up and get a fresh diaper on her, but then came the problem of what to do with the baby while I hose down her carseat.  You see because I was new to this rodeo I had just taken the carseat and not the stroller.  Some how I managed to get the carseat clean enough to put Amber back in it and return to my husband, who promptly asked, “WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?”  Oh he would never ask that question again once I handed over a few Poo Massacres for him to handle.  One important lesson I learned, always layer protection around the baby to make clean up easier and never trust a flimsy diaper to hold back the Niagara Falls of Crap.

Second Case:  So you say, “Oh but that is one case with a baby.  Babies are unpredictable characters and should never be trusted.”  Very true, very true, but let’s take a case that happen just last week.  It was a Thursday and I had a full day planned.  There were doctor’s appointments, which always run late, birthday presents to exchange, lunch to be eaten, cranky children that needed to be corralled and a Bath and Body Works sale that I couldn’t miss.  I saved B&BW for last, hoping that Amber would be happy with her new pierced earrings (She got her ears pierced as her birthday present) and Sam would be happily satisfied with a full belly from lunch.  Somewhere in there he saw some lip glosses that were in the shape of doughnuts and started screaming “DOUGHNUTS!” at me for the rest of the day.  He was told that if he just BEHAVED he would be graced with 2 Krispy Kremes of his choice.  And yes, eaten inside the lovely Krispy Kreme establishment.  (If you don’t get that last statement, you don’t have a 4 year old.)  All we had left was a quick trip to B&BW.  It would be a stop that would change all of our lives and force me to never be able to step inside the Elmwood B&BW store ever again.

I have been cursed with 2 children that have bladders the size of a pea or simply have a wanderlust to see every bathroom in every establishment we enter.  So when Sam started to grab himself, jump up and down while screaming, “I have to POO!” I wasn’t surprised.  I knew that the ladies of B&BW couldn’t resist letting a cute little boy use their employees only bathroom.  I moved Sam closer to the cash registers where the young lady behind the counter would hear him and offer up her bathroom.  It worked and off went Amber and Sam to the bathroom.  Now, you may be thinking, like SoHubby, why I would let Amber go off alone with her 4 year old brother.  I have done it many times, before, and the results have been good.  Of course that would mean my son doesn’t resort back to his monkey roots and decide to create a Poo Masterpiece. Silly me, this sort of situation never occurred to me.  See he has been lulling me into a false sense of thinking that he was a civilized human being.

I am quickly looking through the Wallflowers (see how after 3 kids I am QUICKLY looking through a sale instead of a leisurely walk through the sale) which was near the open back room door where I could move into action with a split second notice.  I notice that the kids were taking a long time, so I knock on the door to ask what is going on.  Amber tells me in a very nervous and concerned voice that things were not well in that bathroom.  So I demand she unlock the door and let me in.  When that door opened, I never in a million years expected to see the horrors that awaited me.  It is still kind of a blur, but all I can remember is a very covered toilet seat, a very covered little boy, a stunned girl and asking over and over again, “WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”.  I might have, also, asked if he was a monkey in a previous life, because who in their right mind would create such a nasty mess?

I clean up the best I can with my trusty wipes, again imagine a toilet paper square and a Gulf of Mexico full of oil,  and hurry the kids to the register.  Hey, I am a bargain shopper and needed to replenish my stock of Wallflowers.  Imagine that!  I leave the restroom to meet a naive young lady working in the stock room giggling to herself.  I smile toward her while secretly  cursing her with a massive Poo Explosion from the next baby she decides to coo and cuddle.  As I leave the stockroom I am met with ea store full of shocked and appalled  customers and employees who heard everything.  I pay and chase the kids out.  Needless to say, Sam didn’t get his doughnuts that day.  Mostly because why tempt fate, again, with high sugar treats in that tummy of trouble. So you see even once they are out of diapers they are still covered in poo just a little less often and with less containment system in place.

Third Case: Our most recent case happen just today.  Now that I am using cloth diapers and no longer have that sense of security. I am always on guard, although to varying degrees.  When I expect a Poo Massacre combined with a Poo Explosion I get nothing.  When my guard is slightly down and in a hurry to get some things done that is when baby strikes.  Sneaky little babies.  I simply wanted to change Evie’s diaper before we went into Office Max to get a picture enlarged and get everyone home so we could relax and enjoy the rest of the day.  YEAH RIGHT!  I open the diaper to discover the ever common blowout.  Cloth diapers are larger than disposable diapers so blowouts reach the top of the diaper and usually stop there.  The problem comes when you open the diaper and the Poo makes a run for it.

There is Evie laying on the floor of the Suburban crying because I have to bend her in half to clean her completely while Amber sits trapped in the third row dramaing it up about the smell and Sammy running and hiding in the open parking lot.  Because you know parking lots are fun minus those huge Monster Trucks zooming through threatening to make him a Sam puddle.  For the record, Sam had escaped before I knew what was brewing in that diaper of that sweet little baby.  In the midst of trying to get Sam and not have Evie roll out of the car Poo is flying everywhere.  It got on her clothes, the clean diaper I was trying to put on her, the wetbag (a bag that us weird Cloth Diaper users use to contain dirty diapers), the floor of the car and, of course, me.  Thoroughly disgusted I abandon what we were suppose to do at Officemax, corral Sam into his carseat and fly home with a laughing naked baby in the second row.

So the next time someone says that this or that is disgusting with regards to babies or kids, just smile and know that their time is coming and soon you will find them crying in a parking lot, public bathroom or the middle of a totally inappropriate place with a laughing baby/child covered in their own bodily creations.  Oh?  You didn’t think that Poo was the only tool in which babies/kids use to disgust us with, did you?  Silly, silly adult humans.

Yoga Time with Evie

First, you will need to find a comfy spot.
Have fun with it.
Brighten your day with some pastel colors.
Or lay on anything your mom might have thrown on the floor.

We will be performing the Jesus pose, today.
Don’t worry I have cleared it with the Big Guy.
He says it’s all good.
What? You don’t think I have connections?
Hey, I’m Evangeline, Baby!

Oooooo, feel the burn!
Don’t strain too hard, we don’t want any…
Okay!  Who let one rip?
Dad!?!?!

Hold it! Hold it!
This is when it counts.

Yeah, okay.
I think I’m done.
Hope you enjoyed Yoga Time.
Hey, MA!
I NEED A DIAPER CHANGE!
Any ill effects from this pose, please refer to someone who cares.
I got my own problems.

It is About the Federal Government, Stupid!

The anger over the oil spill can be found up and down the Gulf coast.  The anger might be a tad bit more in Louisiana, because it seems once again we have become the test study where everyone learns what they should have done from the word go.  Doesn’t matter that the people directly affected and our state and local officials were begging for action from the first spurt of oil, because the federal government knew better.  I don’t need to go into all that has occurred these past, fast approaching, 2 months, because it is all over the Internet and 24 hour news media.  If you don’t know then you haven’t been paying attention.

I am having to stay off of Twitter or drop half of the people I am following, because I can’t take it.  The blame is flowing like oil from a broken rig pipe, but there is one thing that is not being said.  This oil spill has nothing to do with America’s oil consumption.  Oh no.  The simple fact is there are many other countries drilling for oil off our coasts.  Better yet, if any of those happen to produce an oil spill, we have less control over it.  So what do we do then?  Sit and beg other countries whose coastlines aren’t affected to do something to protect us?

However, this was a rig under our juridisticon.  So let’s talk about that.  What has been the big sell that the Democrats have been selling us since before Obama got into office?  That if we just surrendered our lives to the federal government all would be fine and we wouldn’t have to worry ever again.  Well, let’s take a look at that.  Katrina proved to stall the federal government and leave 1000′s of people stranded for days.  There are many facts that have been debated and I am on the side that our governor at the time, Blanco, helped with the stalling.  Not saying that the federal government didn’t have any responsibility with Katrina, but both the federal and state government can share in the blame.  With regards to this oil spill, I lay a lot more blame at the feet of the federal government.

As a Conservative,  I believe in the free market, but I am not totally opposed to some federal regulations for businesses.  Now that doesn’t mean I believe that the government should take over corporations or tell them how to run their business (i.e. who they should loan money to).  I am for safety regulations and that is where the federal government let us down.  There were at least 3 areas where safety measures were disregarded with this oil rig and I have to ask where was the federal government for those disregarded safety measures?  Isn’t it one strike, two strikes, three strikes, YOU’RE OUT!  If the federal regulators would have done their jobs, maybe we wouldn’t have had this massive oil spill that is killing our wetlands, animals and livelihoods.  Weren’t they suppose to be looking out for us?  There have been reports that BP and the regulators were in bed together, literally.  Then there are other reports of the government regulators watching porn and doing drugs, which would have me thinking that that might have impaired their judgement a bit.  So yes, BP is to blame and should pay for the clean up, but the bigger question is who is watching over them to make sure they do what they have promised to do?  The federal government, the local government?  Well, everyone has their hands in that pot, so who do we trust?  Personally, I think we should be paying some of the fishermen, whose livelihood has been destroyed, to watch over.  I guarantee that they will get the job done.

So excuse me if I stay off Twitter as many of my Democrat, Liberal, or whatever they are called these days beat up on David Vitter and Bobby Jindal for pushing to lift the memoritorium on drilling for oil, but never ask “Hey, where the hell is Mary Landrieu?”  Oh that’s right she is having “off the record” conservations with parish presidents.  And they blame our dependence on oil, but never answer how we will run our cars or if they are willing to ride bikes to get where they need to go.  Sounds good in theory until you are faced with carrying your groceries home on a 2 wheeler.  Yes, I know there are hybrids, smart cars, wind and solar power, but what happens until these things are perfected.  It seems to be all or nothing with some.  Do you quit a job you are unhappy with before you have another one lined up?  Well, some do and then they discovered they are up shit’s creek with out any toilet paper.  Not a happy situation to be in.  The point is some have taken this opportunity to push their agenda through, instead of fixing the problem.  If the federal government is going to run our lives then they better be equipped to do it.  This time it is miles and miles of wetlands, next time it will be millions and millions of lives.  Are you willing to put your life in the hands of the federal government after they have handled this oil spill?  I am not.

My Free Range Kids

Have you heard the phrase, free range kids?  It was coined by this woman.  I haven’t read much of her stuff, but I do remember the fuss over her letting her (I believe) 9 year old ride the New York subway by himself.  At the time I may have only been on my first child and she was young, so I was shocked to hear such a thing.  Especially in the urban jungle of New York city.  For a NOLA girl that sounds frightening to let loose a small boy in such a dangerous city.  I mean our danger is kept within the small square of the French Quarter and there is no way my child/children would ever find themselves alone in that God forsaken place.  Even though I could have been found in the Quarter, by myself, quite frequently in my teen years, but as a parent I have a right to my delusions.

Amber will be turning 8 yrs old on June 16 and I have been lengthening her leash bit by bit recently.  It is as small as letting her go to the Target bathroom while I wrangle my other 2 monkeys in the shampoo aisle.  Of course, I always give my standard line of caution, “Don’t let anyone take or touch you!”.  Sure I am nervous, because as the nightly news and every mother on a mommy board would tell you, we live in a dangerous, dangerous world.  And, of course, the worst case scenarios always start with good intentions and end in public restrooms.  Right?  However, I have this nagging feeling that if I don’t ever let my kids out in the world how will they ever learn to survive?  Then my mother instinct kicks into overdrive and I run through every possible tragedy in my head and end with me throwing myself into my young child’s grave screaming of the immense guilt I have because I let her go to the bathroom without an armed guard.  You think I am joking, but I am not.  I sit in that shampoo aisle counting the seconds and wondering when I should tear through the Target at top speed with Sam blowing behind me, Evie hanging on for dear life and bust into the public restroom to beat the snot out of anyone who dared look at my precious baby cross eyed.  I usually squelch those feelings while nervously looking around the corner, only to see Amber bobbing down the aisle.  I breath a huge sigh of relief and we continue our shopping.

So for me to even suggest what I did Wednesday was a huge shock to me.  I had to stop into the Verizon store for a new car charger, because mine tend to crap out within a few months of me getting them.  I thought I could just pop in and do a quick switch, but nothing in this new technological age is quick.  Especially with 3 kids in tow.  It only got worse when I had to wake a sleeping Sam and drag him sleep walking into the store.  I was very close to having a new car charger in my grubby little hands when Sam started his pee pee dance.  Why my kids wait until the last possible minute to tell me they have to go to the bathroom, BAD, is beyond me.  I try to get Sam to hold it, but I had visions of puddles appearing at his feet, which never makes things run any faster.  So I got the bright idea to have Amber take her little brother to the Starbucks next door.  ALL. BY. THEMSELVES.  Many things ran through my head: someone would nab them and run out the other door, an employee would yell, “HEY, bathroom for customers only!”, or Amber would get distracted by a shiny object, release her brother’s hand and he would wander into a huge vat of thick frozen caffeinated drink and vibrate his way home.  I pushed those thoughts aside and gave Amber her orders: 1. hold your brother’s hand 2. take him to the woman’s restroom (Don’t get me started on the horrors of the men’s restroom), 3. don’t leave with anyone, 4. don’t let anyone take you and 5. DON’T LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR BROTHER!  Their they went, hand in hand off to seek relief in the Starbucks.  I watched them out of the huge Verizon window and remained at that window until they bounced their way back, hopefully blissfully decaffeinated.  My eyes never left that window, even when I had to carry on a conversation with the sales lady helping me with the difficult car charger exchange.  Again, my relief only came when I saw the 2 of them run from the Starsbuck laughing.  Mission completed and all was alive.

I still wonder if I did the right thing.  I guess I should forget about this incident, because everyone came out fine.  However, there is the nagging feeling of what if something happened?  I can’t help thinking what if the outcome would have been different?  How would I feel about my decision then?  Isn’t that what life is?  A series of decisions that go good or bad?  When I was a kid I ran around my neighborhood alone, looked through the toy section as my mom shopped, sat  in the car alone with the windows down while mom ran in to get a couple of quick items, hell I was a latch key kid and was left at home many times for hours by myself or caring for my younger brother.  But people will tell you those times were different.  Were they really?  I mean these days we can put tracking devices onto our kids.  We can give them cell phones so that we can remain in constant contact.  I am sure that eventually there will be a chip we can put in our kids to keep track of them or for someone to scan to see who to charge for the damage.  So how can our childhood be more safe than today.  Today we have 24 hours news coverage to tell us what a scary world is out there and how we should be hiding under our beds until it is safe to come out.  I think my slightly less nervous medium is letting the kids have freedom while I stand by counting the seconds they have been gone, twirling my fingers while watching out of windows and slightly lengthening the invisible leash as I see fit.  I, also, reserve the right to shorten that invisible leash at any time.  It is my right as a mother.

Update to Now it is Personal.

I was going to put this as a side note on the Now it is Personal post, but I feel there needs to be more information regarding how our government is running these days.  It goes much further than not reading immigration bills, but deeming them racist and unconstitutional, or pricing capping ATM fees or other products and services.

First, the amendment to the Finance Reform bill that was to cap ATM fees at $.50 was blocked.  According to what I read Senator Harkin couldn’t get it to the floor for debate, because there was more important issues to be discussed.  Although, the time it took for 2 Senators to go back and forth regarding what is important or not was ironic, but I am never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.  So good for us.  That high lasted all of a few hours when we were later informed that there was a new amendment to have the Federal Reserve regulate ATM fees and make sure there was “reasonable” rates.  Okay, this is the same shit just different smell.  It is another way of having ATM fees capped under the illusion of protecting the consumer.  Let the worry begin all over again.  Then today SoHubby calls me to let me know that I can stop building that ulcer in the pit of my stomach, because the Senate has voted on cloture (that means closed) of the Finance Reform bill and nothing regarding ATMs is in the now closed bill.  *phew*  We must not relax those shoulder muscles too much, because this bill has a few more Congressional travels before it reaches vote and a much longer journey before it reaches the President’s desk.  But for the time being it looks as if we are safe from the long arm of the Federal Government reaching into our business and shutting it down.

Second, I came across this article on Twitter and found it interesting.  Basically, it explains how some Senators don’t even use ATMs, even though they walk by an ATM in the basement of the Capitol building which charges $2 a transaction, unless you have an account from the U.S. Senate Federal Credit Union, on their way to vote on the Senate floor.  The most interesting thing is that Sen. Harkin admits to using an ATM (I would venture to guess the one in the Senate building) about every 2 weeks.  First light bulb illuminated that maybe Sen. Harkin and his ATM fee cap amendment was for purely personal reasons.  Which begs the question is he looking out for his best interest of those of Americans?  I will let you decide on that one.  You can probably guess my answer.  The next question is how can these politicians look out for our best interests when they don’t even have the slightest clue of the workings of the everyday of the average American?

Senator Ben Nelson, admitted that he doesn’t even know how to use an ATM and 2 other Republican Senators admitted to only using an ATM a few times in their lives.   Sen. Ben Nelson says he is not totally ignorant regarding everyday experiences of Americans because he knows about “holograms’.  He using them offer when going to stores and checking himself into his own seat when boarding an airplane.  I had to stop, because I was wondering what the hell he was talking about.  What holograms is he using when shopping at Lowe’s or the grocery store?  It is clarified that Sen. Nelson is talking about the bar codes that are scanned when making a purchase or pretty much everywhere out here in the real world.  Where he got holograms I have no idea.  Shouldn’t every person that has ever bought anything in this country know about bar codes?  I mean we have the infamous video of the first President George Bush not knowing how to buy groceries for God’s sake and now we have Senators who don’t know how an ATM works.  How can these people look out for our best interest when they have not one clue what it is to live our daily lives?  I guess that is what you get when you are scooped up as a young lad and spend the rest of your life in the bubble of Washington D.C. Where money just appears magically from the taxpayers pockets and you are not held responsible for how you spend it or anything else.  I think many of these politicians will be very shocked come this November.  Americans are fed up with our government making busy work to make themselves seem useful, not keeping with the clear outlined duties in the Constitution (Article I Section 8), and listening to their real bosses, the American people.  Too long we have  gone unheard and now it is time for a job performance review which will have many high government officials  joining the currently high unemployment rate.  No one is safe, Democrat nor Republican.

Now it is Personal

It is no secret that I am no fan of the current administration, but there is a new bill, trying to get passed through the Senate, that hits us in a very personal way and not only pisses me off but scares me to death.  There is a new finance bill in the Senate that will promote financial stability for the country.  In this bill there is an amendment to cap ATM fees at $.50 a transaction.  The argument is that processing of the transaction only costs $.32 and I guess these Senators (the ones sponsoring the bill) think the rest is gravy.

What they fail to see, which I contribute to their lack of actual work in the private sector, is that the machines themselves cost money, the money in the machines cost money, the employees to service the machines cost money, the parts to run the machines cost money, and the merchants where the machines are placed cost money.  Whenever anyone complained about an ATM fee within ear shot of SoHubby, he would ask them how much would they charge to give their money out?  Yes, that’s right, there is not some magical leprechaun handing out $20 bills every time you place your card in that little slot.  There are actual people that put money in the machine and actual people that have to obtain the money to be able to put in the ATM.  This is a service that is provided.  A service that you have every right to refuse.  If you have used an ATM in the last 14 years, you will notice that it asks you if you agree to pay the fee.  Why the government feels it is their responsibility to make this choice for you is beyond me.

If this bill goes through, we are done.  We can’t run our business and live our lives on $.50 a transaction.  Don’t think it will stop here.  How long before the government comes after your business, whether you are self-employed or not?  We have heard the President admit that at some point he believes we have made enough money. However, he never tells us where that point is.  Is it 5.5million, which is what he made last year?  Is it $400,000, which is his salary as President?  Is it $60,000 for the little people?  Where is the point, Mr. President?  And when will you realize that the working guy that you are trying to save is the working guy you are putting out of business? Let the market work.  The market has already determined ATM fees.  In the French Quarter you can see fees as much as $3.50.  In the rest of the Greater New Orleans area you can see fees as low as $.99, but most hover around $2.50.  In our travels we have seen fees lower than $2.50.  When the market is left alone it works.

My biggest problem with all of this is that the Senators sponsoring the bill didn’t do their research or they would have seen the expenses involved in running an ATM business.  Or they simply don’t understand, because they have never run a business and had to make the tough decisions in order to make that business profitable.  Or they simply do not care and simply are focused on only pushing their political agenda and to damn who it affects.  I looked up Senator Harkin from Iowa. He has been in politics since 1969, in some form,  and in the senate for 26 years.  He has lived in the bubble of Washington D.C. where business is evil and out to gouge the consumer.  Maybe if he had stepped out of that bubble and talk to the industry he would have discovered that his proposed cap of $.50 is ludicrous.  If he did his research and discovered that a $.50 fee is more than enough to run an ATM business then he needs to pay us a visit and explain it to us.  I won’t hold my breath.

You may say that this is no concern for you, because you use your bank ATM and the banks will put out more ATMs.  I am not sure how the banks will handle placing machines with merchants.  Let me tell you they want their share and they are not playing around.  They are not willing to give up their precious floor space for something that will not bring them in any extra money.  Also, these banks will make up their loss on a $.50 ATM fee with higher bank fees elsewhere.  So the problem of high fees is not solved just moved around like a shell game that the government has been playing with the consumer for many years.  We need to start thinking how these government policies trickle down to affect us.  It is more than just my family losing it’s business.  There are going to be less machines out there.  Many will lose their jobs: employees who work for ATM manufacturers, employees who service these machines, armor truck employees, etc.  This is a service that provides a convenience to the America public.  When was the last time you got traveler’s checks when you went on vacation?  The last time I asked, which was in 1998, the bank teller looked at me like I had 2 heads.  The thought is well I can use my credit/debit card or there will be an ATM.  If this bill goes through, no there won’t because like most things these days, it won’t be profitable enough to extend the effort.

Here Comes the Sun

As I was looking for more information on the Nashville flood, I came across this video:

While the subtle jabs at us stung a bit, I understand the frustration.  There are many questions, but I will leave those for the people that deserve the answers more than me.  I do find it amazing that such a tragedy could occur and virtually go unnoticed, until just recently.  I am just as angry about the 11, who died on the BP rig out in the Gulf.  We seem to hear about the long term environmental impact, whose at fault and the money that will be spent cleaning or penalizing the offending company.  What have we become where we ignore the plight of actual humans over ideology and politics?  Frankly, I am more dismayed by the lack of attention to human lives than the recent major events that have taken place.  We need to take a long hard look at ourselves and decide which direction we are going to take.  We can’t unite, if we don’t exist.

Again, please visit Suburban Turmoil for ongoing information and heroic stories of the Nashville Flood, as well as information on donations and how you can help if you are in the area.  If you can’t do that (And believe me, I understand the sick feeling that overcomes someone from this area looking at this massive flood), then pray.  It is the least you could do for your fellow Americans, hell, your fellow humans.